Things i learned from MMOs

- Whatever your goal in life may be, you must always be an adventurer.
- The outskirts of your training grounds have many small animals who will happily act as your punching bag.
- Spells make you thirsty.
- Eating normal food will heal even the worst-looking wound.
- Some people have the job of standing around waiting for someone to bring them things.
- No matter how many people tell him where they are, the farmer will never find his lost children.
- People will award you with large amounts of gold for delivering a letter to their uncle which lives 10 minutes away.
- Anything you kill will disappear soon, only to reappear a few minutes later, alive and having forgotten everything.
- Animals will puke gold when you kill them. Incidentally, that is also how gold is made as there never seems to be any coin-making factory anywhere.
- Your character can survive indefinitely without food, water, sleep or personal hygiene.
- Platemail covers 90% of the male body, but only 20% of the female body. However, in both cases it weighs exactly the same and offers the same protection.
- Chainmail bikinis are among the most powerful and protective pieces of armor.
- If you are a very powerful and ancient creature about to be attacked by a band of adventurers, the most logical course of action is to try and kill the one who pisses you off the most while randomly throwing fire on the others. Incidentally, the one who pisses you off the most is the heavily armored guy wearing a shield.
- Shields and armored warriors piss off powerful creatures more than spells of mass destruction aimed at their faces.
- No matter how wounded you are, you will never feel any pain or experience weakness. Sometimes, you will even experience strength.
- No one ever uses a staff as a walking aid or to hit something with. Instead, staves are used to increase the power of your spells.
- No matter how big you are, you will NEVER try to squish an adventurer who wants to kill you. Instead, you will try to hit him with whatever weapons you have at your disposal.
- Powerful creatures always carry powerful items they do not have any use for.
- Creatures will get tired of chasing you given enough time and will just forget about you, and are incapable of hearing/seeing things that are happening further than 20 yards away.
- A big enough sword can sometimes do more damage than an exploding ball of fire.
- Every general goods vendor in the world sells the exact same things in infinite quantities.
- No matter how shitty and useless something you pick up from the ground is, someone will surely buy it.
- Once you have killed enough monsters or done enough deliveries, you will be surrounded by shiny lights and will grow in power.
- No matter how many times you die, it will never be permanent.
- No matter how many times a creature kills you, you can always come back to try again.
- All dwarves are scottish, like to drink and live in snowy or underground areas.
- There is no such thing as fat people.
- Although all races procrate, there are very few or no half-breeds, unless they are powerful, significant and awesome. Half-dwarves are a concept which does not exist.
- Trolls are jamaican unless they are evil and/or dumb.
- If you are an evil creature, do NOT kill a good, innocent creature unless you want its spirit to come back and offer rewards to adventurers who kill you.
- Powerful adventurers who kill dragons for a living will sometimes collect cute fluffy things.
- The chinese are an evil nation composed entirely of farmers.

Noobs, small tits and DiCaprio

Every once in a while i find myself filled with the urge to simply destroy every fucking emo in my sight, and, if possible, to steal their flag of faggotry and return it to my base camp. I start up easily by buffing myself, laughing at my so called team mates who are so eager to die ( proven by the fact that they want to rush ahead of every other team mate and face the enemy ) and wait for the doors to open or the fence that`s blocking my way to fall. After the noobs who rushed ahead die, the true battle starts, i immediately pick my target, stun the hell out of him and using the power of righteousness i send the motherfuckers back to their base. In most of the cases things work out great for me, i simply hug God and beg for him to lay a bubble on my ass when things get too dangerous and if God refuses to help i simply use other superstitious bullshit to get myself back to full health : like bandaging my broken or missing leg or light myself up hoping that some holiness of the light will reach my but raped ass. Generally i can handle 2 normal players easy, 3 if i`m lucky but if the match is 10 to 10 i hope that i don`t have to. Lately on the other hand the l33tness of the battlegrounds amaze me, for about 3 to 4 hours we lost in the most shameful manner ever, and so, just like any other Romanian, i began to search for the idiots to blame. Turns out that most of my so called team mates are under 12, and i`m the only idiot to blame here, because i actually expected something from them, also i found out the hard way that no matter how hard i try i still can`t defeat the ZERG, leaving me with the simple conclusion : try again at a higher level.
If you never experienced the sensation above, means that you never played World of Warcraft (in the battlegrounds ), in witch case i highly recommend that you start enjoying the online sensation and by doing so, loosing your soul.


After getting beat up in the worst possible way in the BattleGrounds i tried to escape the reality in witch i escaped from the real life, by jumping into another reality, a movie. As i was browsing through the internetz looking for something good to watch, other than youtube of course, i stumbled upon Resident Evil : Degeneration. Whenever i think about Resident Evil i instantly have a flash about a girl with small titties, nice legs and, tons of undead-hugging bullets and begging for brains.
Surprisingly this wasn`t the case here, because the first thing i noticed was that i didn`t escape from the gaming world, no, not this time, said a little cocksucker living in my head ( somewhere near the rear) as the first image from the movie had the word CAPCOM written all over it. The movie is about the characters from the game, all cool and emo and all in 3d.
My first impressions were as rational as possible : Where the fuck are the boobs !?!?!?!?
Instead of watching an overpowered character beating the shit out of the undead i ended up watching an overpowered Pc Game hero beating the shit out of the undead, well not exactly beating, because the movie was mostly about how they ran away from the zombies instead of killing/re-killing them and somehow they ended up at The Umbrella Corporation 2 aka Wilpharma Corporation.
Degeneration has it`s nice action scenes, the storyline is as sad as possible, in fact no real storyline was detected if i start to think about it, because the movie is more like a cutscene between the game series, a tittles cutscene.

As this movie ended i said to myself what any other gamer in my situation would say : this is not a good day for gaming, or watching movies. So i turned on the TV tried MTV wich turned out to be a /fail because none of the "latest hits" are for me, then tried VH1 and i was thinking about giving gaming a second shot, but this time at a fun game, the Jets`N`Guns Gold. Not surprinsingly even that game managed to beat the shit out of me and the more i tried to get over a fucking level the ideea of suicide seemed to sound better and better. Some time passes and my room mate gets a call from a friend who actually managed to convince us to get out of the house, and, go watch a movie at the mall. For me it was all the same, the day could not get any shittier. The entire year presented itself with cheap and fucked up movies, hardly a few games worth mentioning and a price increase for my rent.
And so we went to the mall to see Body of Lies, the seond i saw the poster with DiCaprio in it I turned emo thinking that this is just another love movie. Suicide was more tempting than ever, i had the motives, the means and the will power to do it, the rope was all around my neck and the movie started, the short advertisements managed to convince me that a rope cannot be enough, i need a few blades as well and a Cola.
Against all odds i am still alive, when i got out i was more than impressed, the movie turned out to be the movie i`ve ever seen this year, by far the best, unless they launch a Alizee rape movie any time soon.
Body of Lies was fantastic, it had no emo scenes whatsoever, the romance was as low as possible, amazingly low for DiCaprio. The action put together with the storyline and a few good actors turned out into an epic movie worthy of viewing at least once.
I don`t intend to start with the movie description, saying that it`s another movie about war on terrorism and all that, so here`s the trailer and enjoy :

Free to Play

While i was gaming the other day, curse.com sent me this interesting news about a new, chinese free-to-play MMORPG (or at least i think it's chinese). Wow, how fascinating. The game will have the utterly stupid name of Secret Online, and will feature... a lot of stuff. Now keep in mind that if there's something i hate in gaming, it's free to play MMOs. Compared to their pay to play brothers, f2p's are known to have an incredible lack of depth, story or mostly anything else that can call them games. They are basically moneymakers for the respective companies which feed on the players' need for social interaction. And i will attempt to prove that using quotes from the upcoming "game"'s feature notes.

Satisfaction from PK
-Both great visuals and feels very smooth/fast paced.

Are they serious? Alright, this is new. Finally a game that embraces ganking and griefing as something you should take "satisfaction" from. So i won't only be frequently disturbed from my levelling session, but it'll be done with nice shiny effects too. And it'll be fast.

Enhanced battle system

-Every class has their own special battle system; you will explore new strategies and tricks to use your character to its max abilities.

Wooooo. So you're telling me that there's DIVERSITY in this game? Who would have thought. Then again, i wouldn't be surprised if this game had only 3 classes.

Players can get thousands of different kinds of crafting materials from almost anything they do, kill Monsters, questing, gathering etc and able to craft different types of equipments at special NPCs. Players can produce everything for the game economy and use formulas to select bonus attributes according to their character’s class, which there are endless different results.

Here's another thing that i truely hate. I don't seriously know why every producer thinks we LIKE hoarding every little useless piece of string we find thinking that we might need it at a later time. I sure don't. That "thousands" translates only into "you better get a large inventory son".

Use materials to craft your own transformation scrolls，you can transform to any monster in the game! And there is no “the best form”, only the better!

"Only the better"? Rock/scissors/paper, you mean? Cooooooool. Not. There goes the attachment to your class if everyone can transform into a fucking mob. And it'll make PK feel more like PVE too.

Some of players’ actions can influence the game world’s history. Player’s heroic actions will be recorded down in history books of the world. Real world's 1 minute equals 4 minutes in world of secret Online. The ratio is 1 to 4. According to difference date, they are different festival & special quests. Ex: Every January and June in Secret Calendar will hold Mountain God worship events at Stream village; Every February and March in Secret Calendar, will hold festivals at Norfolk.) Also, the first time player’s character is created on the server will be recognized as character’s birthday. There will be special rewards given at each birthday.

The birthday part is interesting, i'll give it that. The rest is nothing new. The "history book" thing is just an attempt to log events someone does and integrate it into the lore.

River of history cannot be stopped, which shall always move forward

'the fuck? Get better translators, you chinese pieces of shit.

Infinite Randomly generated quests for our quest lovers!

Yeeey! Another thing i hate: quests without a story. Quests without a plot, quests without a real reason. Quests without a soul. wants you to go to and kill for . Do this and he will reward you and possibly . And they call them "quests". Let's get something clear, ok? Stop calling these things QUESTS. Call them CHORES because that's what they are.

Secret Online has a market economy system that’s similar to real life economies. Most of the prices of its items can go up-and-down in relation to supply and demand. The prices that gamers see in different stores are only prices of these stores, not universal. To better emulate the real market system, Secret Online’s dynamic economy is fluid, meaning that item prices fluctuate from store to store and even from day to day based on supply.

Such big words for just some dynamic store prices. FYI, MMORPG economy will always mimic real life economy. Player-made economy, that is. Only thing is that in this game, the items which are needed by many players will be EXPENSIVE AS SHIT unless the server's mostly empty.

Different zones in Secret Online are connected together without needing to load every time entering a new zone. Every zone has its own different background story. Don’t be fooled by their beauties, when danger is always just around the corner. Be on your constant guard bla bla bla bla bla bla

This is both new and interesting. (get the sarcasm?)

Secret Online has it’s own unique Newspaper system; everyday the system will integrate any events or news created by players into a newspaper! There is also information sections that players can post advertisements, seek friends, seek marriage and more!

"TOP NEWS! Legolass2k has killed the Hairy Goblin of Big Dark Swamp while being ganked by Gimlypwnzor!" And as if real life wasn't bad enough, we now have matrimonial services in MMOs. Jesus.

Unique Instance Dungeon

Uh-oh. Here it comes: the exciting new features of the new "unique" instance dungeons.

Fun and challenging Instance Dungeons

Propaganda!? I expected something more unique-ish than "iz unique because iz nice".

It’s not just about killing monsters

This is both new and interesting. Somehow, i think it's just propaganda again. They probably meant "iz not about kill monster, iz about explore and look at pretty sight too".

It belongs to you and your friends

How romantic and intimate! You can be fucking sure that we'll be holding hands while we eviscerate goblins and shit. Seriously, this makes me laugh... treating an in-game location as something intimate isn't something a sane man would do. Then again, they're chinese, and they're up there with the japanese in the "weird shit" category.

"Secrets Online" is a new 3D MMORPG building upon the rich and vast history of ancient hegemonic China.

Drawn from the timeless dispute between the evil dynasty of the Yellow Emperor, Shen Mo, and the heroic Chiyou, our story shows the people rising to battle ancient demons and devils, as the powers of heaven and hell clash. bla bla bla

Oh boy. Another MMO focusing on the rough and forgotten history of emperor Chu Hors Wang and his empress Mi Sutcha Ho of the Yu Fat Fok dynasty which has briefly existed a bajillion years ago during the year of the Farting Dragon, on the third moon of the shintzu era. Or something. In other words, a long boring filler story that no one will give a shit about since it only focuses on the mighty whatshisface's family affairs or somesuch.

Alright, i'll stop here. And i promise that this is the last time i'll pick on cheap pieces of chinese shit. I think.

EDIT: oh, and here's some concept art too.

The MMORPGs' involvement in gaming and my life

I know this has probably been reviewed, considered and thought of a thousand times over, but i have no intention of being 100% original. This is just my opinion; my little perspective upon MMOs and how they affect your gaming life.
As a kid, i've always been a fan of a type of game called RPG: those little adventures where you could create your own customised character, start small, and grow into something powerful.
It was later, when i got access to the internet, that i came in contact with a new, evolving (at the time) breed of RPGs. Not to say that i didn't hear of them before: i've been reading reviews of Asheron's Call and the like long before i had any internet access. Back then, these games were basically a lower graphical quality, larger world - version of normal RPGs. I didn't know, or had any interest in the phenomenon which keeps many gamers playing: human interaction.
But my time for facing the world came with the introduction of internet access and a nice little game which seemed too much like a Diablo 2 copy (not to say rip-off): Mu Online. I first saw it at an internet cafe and the first thing that came into my head was "hey, a new Diablo 2! Great, i was getting bored of the old one". Not to say it looked that much like diablo 2: everything was a lot more "shiny" than your regular game, with impressive spell effects designed to astound and amaze. Hesitantly, i began a new life in that game while searching for something to fill my time with. It was then when i first came face-to-face with today's MMO's most common concepts: grind. MU is a grind-filled game, so much that you can leave your character grinding while AFK and still acheive one of the best times to a certain level.
I didn't get far in Mu, because i interrupted my gameplay after reaching a high level (about 340) and joined one of my best friends in another, more promising online game called Lineage 2. Lineage 2 is a pay-to-play game, which means you have to pay a monthly fee to play it (a thing which i'm mildly opposed to), but this was a "private" server, a server hosted on another machine whose administrator didn't ask for any fee as a requirement to play. It was low-rate too, so the time needed to get to max level was pretty close to that of retail servers.
It wasn't as flashy, but it sure was more complex than the previous game. And this is where things started getting complicated: the game soon became a race rather than a thing to fill my spare time with, i was running through the game, slowly but surely becoming too impatient. I stopped reading quest logs, instructions, item descriptions, lore... the game suddenly turned into a race to match and overcome the top 25 of my class on that server. I can't say i wasn't getting bored: i was forced to kill a limited number of monsters (aka mobs) over and over again, using the same spell, seeing the same shitty animation a million times, and i had to do that faster than the others could. Needless to say, all was in vain because the server wiped its database and everyone started from zero again with the coming of a new expansion. I was disappointed; i wanted to get the game out of my head and quit it for good. After 2 weeks of sulking on high-rate servers, wanting to see everything there is to see about this game so that i could finally get it out of my system... i came back to the same server i started. This time, with even more will to play and reach the top. And so, my second ascent towards the server's hall of fame started, this time more vigurously and more aggressive than before. I played 14 hours per day, sometimes 16, sometimes standing awake for a full day and more, always trying to catch up those 2 weeks in which the others had risen to a higher level. The "no-lifer"ness didn't really bother me, nor does it bother me now; i chose a support class, and had a lot more fun than i had on my old DD back before the wipe. Overall, i have good memories of that time, and i can say i did something, however minor and irelevant in the long run, that benefited me as a gamer. Yet it didn't do good for my psyche. While before having access to the internet, i was exceedingly meticulous and patient (gaming-wise), now i could hardly play an RPG without zooming through all its content and crossing the finish line like a horse in a race. That's how i finished KoToR 1 and 2: i didn't have the patience to see all the areas, talk with all NPCs and so on. I spent the game like a speed-runner wanting to finish an FPS. I did notice the change, but it was too late to go back now. The server had a pause (a long, 5-month pause) in which i caught up to finishing other games and played on other servers, then i was back, and more willing to get to the top than ever. And i did... joined the biggest clan (aka guild) on the server, and soon became one of the the most popular support chars there (also the highest level support char). Soon, that guild led the server, and was even banned for making it unplayable for lower levels due to constant pk and monopoly. A second wipe was anticipated this time, and probably needed too: i had seen most high-end content, and now needed to study for my high-school graduation exams. It was then when i realised what the so-called gaming spree had done to me. Now i struggle to get my patience back, but i'm afraid i won't be needing it with games becoming less and less complex nowadays.
Why "so-called" gaming spree? Because i still consider MMOs to be cheap, simple clones of actually good games. Some of the pristine gaming elements which i expect to find in a game are missing: the feeling, the atmosphere, the well-thought storyline. The gameplay is a joke (the grind is something no game should have) but the gaping hole in it is somehow patched with what most people treasure more than actual gameplay: interaction between human beings, making friends and so forth.
As for Lineage 2, it wasn't long before i got GM status and i could see everything i wanted about the game, and once its content expired, so did my interest in it start to rapidly fall.
I didn't only play these 2 MMOs however, otherwise i couldn't have afforded to post this. I spent more or less time in many MMOs, including (but not limited to) RF Online, RYL Online, Anarchy Online and World of Warcraft. I seem to have taken a liking to the former, having found in it several aspects other MMOs lack (and also because i play freely on retail servers, courtesy of MisterDevil's budget). I guess this is what a well-made MMO looks like: it has at least a slight, passing resemblance to a good RPG, with the sacrifice of some human interactivity, but i don't mind, honestly. Needless to say, i play it casually now, stopping to take a breath and explore every content i can find, both high-end and low-end.
So to everyone who didn't yet start to play MMOs (i pray that there still are such people): don't consider starting them if you want to maintain a gaming carreer. Yes, you could live some of the nicest moments of your life, but you'll be disappointed when you probably find yourself not having any will to play single-player games anymore. And with singleplayer, you'll miss out on 60-90% of what a game was designed to be. Your call if you want to do that, but i wouldn't call myself a gamer if i did.
Later edit: still need to play eve online...