Tom Clancy`s H.A.W.X.

A few weeks ago, a friend from work asked me if I played H.A.W.X. yet and if I like flight simulators. My answer was simple : NO and FUCK YOU. I barely forgot all the hours of stress while trying to figure out how to get off the ground in one of the F-xx series.
Though i didn`t want to stay completely in the dark, I decided to at least google the damn game. Google`s results were, as always, many and barely decisive, until i saw the magic words : TOM CLANCY`s. I didn`t hear about H.A.W.X before, but when i saw Tom`s name there, i knew that it deserved at least one try. So far, all of Tom Clancy`s games were great for me, so almost instinctively i knew this one would be great.
A few moments of download, another few moments to install the game and voila, i was ready to kick ass.
I have to admit that while the game was installing i kept having some flashbacks about my plane simply sitting in the airfield doing nothing as i had no fucking idea about how to take off, but there it was, i started the game campaign and, to my greatest surprise, my plane was already in the air.
"AI KARAMBA!!" shouted Bart`s voice in my head, now i am going to kick ass for real. In just a few seconds i adapted to the game, and already blowing some emo ass sky high. H.A.W.X. has an almost unique gameplay that relies on two very important things : SIMPLE and FUN. In my opinion other flight simulators are hardly SIMPLE and NO FUN at all, while H.A.W.X. is purely brilliant. The air-to-air fights are pretty much awesome and the air-to-ground fights are like a small challenge which consist of "how many tanks can you blow up before you hit the ground/have to turn your noze up and dive into them again". All of the missions include blow this up and protect/escort that, but even the protect/escort part consists on blowing enemies fast and effective. Though so far i`ve only played the campaign and it took me about 4-5 hours to finish i have to admit that the only bad thing i can say about this game is that the "realism" part si pretty damn questionable. At one mission i was supposed to take back L.A. and after a quick sweep of the city, another wave of enemies had appeared, i pretty damn expected to see more tanks and planes on the battlefield but i really couldn`t understand where did the fucking Anti-Air turrets had appeared from again ( considering that the city had been swept of all enemy forces ) ?!?!?!?!
Besides the great gameplay H.A.W.X. has great graphics to offer, even if most of the time i had to stare at the plane`s ass i can say that this game was a real treat for my candy hungry eyes ( especially now with my new PC ). All of the mission locations look as realistic as authentic ass possible.
Next to the cool graphics and great gameplay this particular game also has some of the best sound tracks so far. Put them all together and voila : i was fucking absorbed by game.

Just like all the games out there, H.A.W.X. isnt flawless, the most important thing for me simply had to disappoint me : the difficulty system. At the normal level i had many missiles and i took very low damage, at the expert difficulty i had slightly fewer missiles and i took a little more damage, but the enemies rarely managed to land a hit on me and they blow up really fast at either difficulty leveles ( 1-2 missiles ), and even for the dumbest of players there is an E.R.S.(Enhanced Reality System) to help them evade/intercept/fly.

Here`s a pic of me trying to play the game at the super mega awesome difficulty setting : my cat biting/playing with my hand while i was playing.

Noobs, small tits and DiCaprio

Every once in a while i find myself filled with the urge to simply destroy every fucking emo in my sight, and, if possible, to steal their flag of faggotry and return it to my base camp. I start up easily by buffing myself, laughing at my so called team mates who are so eager to die ( proven by the fact that they want to rush ahead of every other team mate and face the enemy ) and wait for the doors to open or the fence that`s blocking my way to fall. After the noobs who rushed ahead die, the true battle starts, i immediately pick my target, stun the hell out of him and using the power of righteousness i send the motherfuckers back to their base. In most of the cases things work out great for me, i simply hug God and beg for him to lay a bubble on my ass when things get too dangerous and if God refuses to help i simply use other superstitious bullshit to get myself back to full health : like bandaging my broken or missing leg or light myself up hoping that some holiness of the light will reach my but raped ass. Generally i can handle 2 normal players easy, 3 if i`m lucky but if the match is 10 to 10 i hope that i don`t have to. Lately on the other hand the l33tness of the battlegrounds amaze me, for about 3 to 4 hours we lost in the most shameful manner ever, and so, just like any other Romanian, i began to search for the idiots to blame. Turns out that most of my so called team mates are under 12, and i`m the only idiot to blame here, because i actually expected something from them, also i found out the hard way that no matter how hard i try i still can`t defeat the ZERG, leaving me with the simple conclusion : try again at a higher level.
If you never experienced the sensation above, means that you never played World of Warcraft (in the battlegrounds ), in witch case i highly recommend that you start enjoying the online sensation and by doing so, loosing your soul.


After getting beat up in the worst possible way in the BattleGrounds i tried to escape the reality in witch i escaped from the real life, by jumping into another reality, a movie. As i was browsing through the internetz looking for something good to watch, other than youtube of course, i stumbled upon Resident Evil : Degeneration. Whenever i think about Resident Evil i instantly have a flash about a girl with small titties, nice legs and, tons of undead-hugging bullets and begging for brains.
Surprisingly this wasn`t the case here, because the first thing i noticed was that i didn`t escape from the gaming world, no, not this time, said a little cocksucker living in my head ( somewhere near the rear) as the first image from the movie had the word CAPCOM written all over it. The movie is about the characters from the game, all cool and emo and all in 3d.
My first impressions were as rational as possible : Where the fuck are the boobs !?!?!?!?
Instead of watching an overpowered character beating the shit out of the undead i ended up watching an overpowered Pc Game hero beating the shit out of the undead, well not exactly beating, because the movie was mostly about how they ran away from the zombies instead of killing/re-killing them and somehow they ended up at The Umbrella Corporation 2 aka Wilpharma Corporation.
Degeneration has it`s nice action scenes, the storyline is as sad as possible, in fact no real storyline was detected if i start to think about it, because the movie is more like a cutscene between the game series, a tittles cutscene.

As this movie ended i said to myself what any other gamer in my situation would say : this is not a good day for gaming, or watching movies. So i turned on the TV tried MTV wich turned out to be a /fail because none of the "latest hits" are for me, then tried VH1 and i was thinking about giving gaming a second shot, but this time at a fun game, the Jets`N`Guns Gold. Not surprinsingly even that game managed to beat the shit out of me and the more i tried to get over a fucking level the ideea of suicide seemed to sound better and better. Some time passes and my room mate gets a call from a friend who actually managed to convince us to get out of the house, and, go watch a movie at the mall. For me it was all the same, the day could not get any shittier. The entire year presented itself with cheap and fucked up movies, hardly a few games worth mentioning and a price increase for my rent.
And so we went to the mall to see Body of Lies, the seond i saw the poster with DiCaprio in it I turned emo thinking that this is just another love movie. Suicide was more tempting than ever, i had the motives, the means and the will power to do it, the rope was all around my neck and the movie started, the short advertisements managed to convince me that a rope cannot be enough, i need a few blades as well and a Cola.
Against all odds i am still alive, when i got out i was more than impressed, the movie turned out to be the movie i`ve ever seen this year, by far the best, unless they launch a Alizee rape movie any time soon.
Body of Lies was fantastic, it had no emo scenes whatsoever, the romance was as low as possible, amazingly low for DiCaprio. The action put together with the storyline and a few good actors turned out into an epic movie worthy of viewing at least once.
I don`t intend to start with the movie description, saying that it`s another movie about war on terrorism and all that, so here`s the trailer and enjoy :

Dead Fantasy

So there i was working when a friend showed me this, i just love it :D




It`s not that bad, but then again, there`s more :




Thank the gods of gaming for GT and their good video quality.

Respect the superior race

SPORE, the one, the only, the evolutionary game. The game which can make you smile, make you laugh, and can even tuck you to bed.
A highly anticipated game, Spore started out just fine, great even with a few glitches however, but the game managed to overcome it`s not so nice parts with state of the art possibilities, the illusion of freedom, and a strong hunger for creativity. One of the things i liked most about Spore is that no matter how big or how ugly you are, there will always a creature stronger and another one weaker. Also there are three ways of going through the game : herbivore, carnivore or omnivore. The herbivore part clearly suggests a strong amount of "EMO-l33tness" having to go peaceful on just about every other species or you end up dead. As for the carnivore part, the game just gets easier, you kill everything, you eat their corpses for hit points, and all that stuff until you end up dominating the world. The omnivores tend to be more industrious, and unlike the others, they prefer to buy their opponents.
The game lets you start at the EMO stage, in a small or big pond on a selected planet, you appear. Small enough to eat and ugly enough to be avoided. The first stage of Spore can be compared to a PacMan game, meaning that the only thing you can do is eat shit and/or die.Trying to somewhat represent a "cell`s" life in the real world, but here, the more shit you eat the bigger you get, the bigger you get the more dangerous you are. The way you build your creature isn`t as important as it should be, because you can morph it into a dick, literary, and back at any time you want. Sure the number of legs, teeth, horns and other mutant parts are important, but where and how you place them simply does not matter.
After reaching a certain level, a brain spawns on your creature, somewhere where the head is supposed to be, congratulations, you reached the creature stage. In this stage things tend to be a little more complex, but sadly, they are not. There is only one rule : Only the strongest/richest survive. After the creature stage i climbed on a ladder and reached the conclusion that the fun just ended, and i mean it. Up to the creature stage you create the creature, after that, you dress it up. The tribal stage turns into a RTS, a bad RTS ofcourse, it is short and hardly worth playing. Few moments after and voila, i got to build my own city, fact which sounds good in theory but sucks ball in practice. Designing buildings and pleasuring my Penises, C`OMMON. Here, the goals is simple : kill/buy/convert other cities, in other words, become "the biggest, the best".
Despite the fact that i tried playing it on all possible methods: religious, economic, military; at the last stage it all ends up the same way, an RPG, a BAD rpg to be exact. While the first four stage are short and fun, the last stage involves a series of shitty missions, involving planet coloring, collecting EMO`s from all over the galaxy and blowing up would-be enemies.
It`s hard to believe though, this game promised a lot, but what it really did is quite simple, it put together 5 types of games and the result is clear : BULLSHIT. The fun stages are short and the fucked up ones are long and full of shit.

I guess i should say more about SPORE, more about the "Sporepedia", but when i think that the creator of spore made his money by creating girl-games like The Sims, I rather cut my tongue out. Who knows, maybe Will Wright only wanted to show the world that there`s a little Hitler in all of us.

Work and Gaming

In order to survive and/or play on`line games i need money, in order to get money i need to work. But i`m a gamer, gaming is like work for me, so how to combine the two ? The answer is simple : gaming at work or playing web fucking text based games.
It all started with the "need" to play, the need got stronger ... and stronger ... and the no games at work policy started to mean nothing to me. Beginning with shitty games like www.travian.com and www. bitefight.com, games which needed me to be on`line in somewhat crucial times, and i went on to flash games, long live miniclip.

I intend on saving some time simply by not throwing shit on the well deserving already filled with shit web games, and simply move on the games which can be played at work and deserve to be played.
Clearly the most played game at work is ... the one ... the only : Solitaire. Let`s just face it, solitaire was made to be played at work : it`s the ideal game if you need time to fly, the game which can offer a shitty challenge ... not a great one ... or a worthy one .. but still .. a challenge.
The other Windows games are playable, but they didn`t really manage to get the job done, sure Minesweeper is ok but its as interesting as hugging trees.
An interesting game worthy of playing at work is Transport Tycoon Deluxe. Easy to find and free to download. This game saved me from total boredom lots of times, sure it`s old and doesn`t look too good, but, just like other tycoons, makes time fly away. Hehe .. nothing like a good windowed game to end the working shifts.
Depending on the working place ... i actually played some arcade games in the office, nothing beats Tyrian while waiting for those mails :>

For the moment, at this I`Cafe where i waste my time and make money ... i can play just about any game, for the moment sticking to WoW and Lineage2.

Above all, when i get tired of just about anything and there`s way too much work to do I simply start a nice flash Tower Defense :

A Gaming Life part 2 - Shade's point of view

I felt like writing my own type of "gaming styles" post since i disagree with Devil on some points and wanted to bring this topic to a different, more psychological light.
First off, what Devil names "gaming styles" are actually different types of attitudes taken when gaming. We stop having common thoughts about this at this point: i feel like there are many more and much more complex personalities out there than you observe at first sight. Stereotyping them is not something i'm too inclined to do, as you'll always see one person which doesn't fit into any "class", so to speak - but not classifying them would make one ignorant of the fact that there actually are types of people out there with similar minds. But the internet has much more complexity, even in the more retarded people, than just noobs and... emos, the latter i feel being only a term for Devil to have something else to hate. In truth, emo people are probably too preoccupied with cutting their wrists to sit around and play games.
Instead, i'll just put all the good and bad people together, eliminate those 2 terms and judge them only by the way they act while playing or surfing the internet, starting with the worst. Just remember that except for some labels, these people might actually be bearable or sociable IRL.
1) Scum - not a researched or approved term, i just felt like naming them that. These people are your usual scammers, griefers and con artists of the internet - people you do NOT want to be with no matter who you are (unless you're in league with them), people who cannot be trusted, who profit most from the annonimity of the internet and who make lying their second job. The moral explanation behind this type of action is most usually "the internet is just pixels and pictures, it's not real life, and doing wrong stuff on the internet doesn't mean it's wrong irl as well. And people shouldn't feel bad because they don't lose anything but pixels". Unfounded and misguided of course, since we all know there is another type of value that you put into your account or character - sentimental value, and it carries as much weight as any type of money - at least to some people. Some types of "scum" will use net or game tranzactions for real money, and some will even steal irl money via the net - these have virtually no excuses, or ones that are so shallow that even they don't believe them. But they keep lying to themselves, always ignorant. I've seen and dealt with many of these in my life, and they are about the only people who i'd beat to almost death IRL if i saw them on the street. The world is better without them.
Scum are the opposite of the tragic no-lifer class: they cut off any emotional ties they would have to the game or the net and view it as a way to get richer, and it's ok if they do it off other people's backs - who cares, they're annonymous.
Some scum get their pleasure out of ruining others' playstyle, buying chars that they didn't make themselves for real money and using the superior gear to kill people who are inferior to them in every aspect, or griefing and generally causing havoc to bolster their own ego and pride.
2) Retards - about in the same pit with scum, but these are a bit more morally understandable. That doesn't mean they're likable though. To be honest, i really don't think that they are actual retards - they just behave like them. You'll know them when you see one: whenever you see a comment posted on youtube that leaves you saying "why did you have to post that!?", whenever you see someone use their class with so much lack of skill that they butcher and destroy all it stands for, whenever you try to teach someone something and they don't listen, doing the same idiotic thing over and over with no apparent care for the group's well-being (and thus, their own), having an interest in discussion but never saying or doing anything smart, acting like kids... and the examples could go on. God knows the internet is full of them, and they usually borrow traits from the other types resulting in even more frustration (especially when they decide to act like scum). It's good that you don't always have to deal with them, but sometimes there are situations in which you don't have a choice.
Seeing them irl would make me slap them in the face and restrict their access to the internet. It is not for them.
3) Clueless people - these are usually the type of people who always act like they know everything and judge others rashly with a huge lack of facts. Most noobs fit in this cathegory, in fact noobs are just a combination of clueless and retarded - but not all clueless people are retarded, indeed some are well-spoken and well-taught. Yet this type of personality implies that they always jump to the wrong conclusions with the smallest amount of facts. Examples of these would be people on an internet forum who instantly consider you a retard because you made a simple typo, or people in-game who will quit because they lost... once. Or because someone told them that you usually lose in that type of event unless you're affiliated with a certain faction, and they aren't.
4) Tragic no-lifers - the type of people who put a lot of feeling and soul in playing a game, and will lash out emotionally at the weakest sign of something going wrong. I dislike these people a lot, because they tend not to see the difference between feeling sad that you lost a match and constantly sulking for the rest of the day because of it. In-game death is a tragedy to these people, and loss of an in-game item will almost always attract rivers of tears and whines. The "no-lifer" type comes from the fact that they seem to put more soul in this game than they do in real life, thus exchanging their priorities, thus making them lose focus with the real world.
5) Usual no-lifers - this type encompasses a lot of other sub-types, such as the hardcore gamer, the friendless fatso or the high-school geek. Overall, they are not at all a bad type - on the internet, you can form lasting friendships with them as long as you share a common goal. You can profit from their addiction by using them to group together, for instance. This group is offset however by the fact that, alongside the retarded people, is the most criticised group on the internet - criticised often by retards themselves, but also by social people who seem to view the fact that these people have little to no friends as a sign of weakness and wrongness. But not all of them are lacking friends, their biggest problem (to others) is that they spend too much time in-game. I would probably fit the closest in this category, even tough i have friends and my time is pretty short right now - still, i'd love to be a no-lifer again someday, playing 20 hours out of 24 and not giving a damn about anyone. Might be dangerous to my health, but hell, all drugs are if you look at it from that point of view.
6) Loners - you may find one of these people here and there in the gaming scene. They're rare, but an awesome sight if you catch one. This group represents the people who spring forth from time to time, having excellent progress and great skill, knowing every in and out of their class and having accomplished more than casual gamers could ever dream of, at the same time being so obscure that no one heard of them. Like i said, they are rare, and usually no-lifers - but they deserve respect for getting where they are without asking for help, without whining, doing things on their own terms, without giving a damn about what everyone says or does.
7) Socials - people who join the online gaming scene for two things: other people, and CHAT. They LOVE to chat, though the chatter types are usually girls, and can often seen quitting the game for the sole reason that their friends also quit, or they don't have anyone to play with anymore. They desire the companionship of another human and will always act on a group consciousness, following, taking examples and sometimes leading their like-minded friends. Beware though, some of them might also be retards or scum, and usually when these types of people are present, scandals and real-life threats happen. Yet the best fact about socials is that this is perhaps the group with the widest range of personalities, all socials borrowing traits from all other groups.
8) Leaders - actually a mix of loners and socials, these are the people who are born to lead, and use their gaming experience to gain the upper hand. Leaders will be found bearing the burden of their clan/guild, coordonating others, giving advice to newbies and being the best of their class while the others are still struggling to understand it (this can happen when an MMO is in its early stages). The will of a loner, and the popularity of a social - but not all of them may have clean or just principles.
That would be about all the groups i can think of. Please note however that the complexity of a human mind is so great that no person can possibly be of only one group (with the possible exception of scum). We are a mix of either 2, more, or all of them. This is the factor that gives us diversity as human beings.

A Gaming Life - part 2

We are all gamers, we all use the mouse and keyboard or joystick with a more or less efficiency calculated by other gamers and named skill. While we all may seem to "pwn" and "own" in probably the same games but we do it differently. Let`s take an example : I pwn my way, like nothing you`ve ever seen before, a random "spook" player will try to pwn his way, probably copying another emo.
I`m typing this post only because gamers have the one thing few people seem to notice : a gaming style. Sure everyone does what`s expected from his or her class, and a class will most likely have the same skills no matter the player, but it`s the way the player uses them that counts.
Lately, the noobish style has reached critical numbers. Don`t get this the wrong way, there`s a damn big difference between noobs and newbies, newbies can be helped, noobs however deserve to feel the ownage on their own skin. Noobs can be found in every single game which involves two or more real players, from shooters to MMOs and even forums. Noobs have taken stupidity to the next level, known for their over powered ability to "whine" just about everything and for the second power called "bragging", if a noob manages to do something right thanks to sheer luck i can bet my sweet emo neighbors depression that at least one gaming community will hear about that noobs luck, as he will most probably call it : skill. A noob is as impressive as he is annoying, impressive is a weak word if i think about it harder, amazing would be more proper because of the massive amount of shit which can come out of a noobs mouth. Without a second thought a noob can send any gamer to the edges of sanity and back only by "whining", he will always have something or someone to blame if he looses, for example : lagging/ the mouse isn`t working/ mom dropped in/ was afk / brain-freeze/ random pc problem/ imaginary girl friend came over for a blow job/ forgot to equip important random item. But if by any chance the noob wins something, it will be something like this : HAHAHAHA / YOU SUCkZ0RZ/ I`M L33t u`r nabz / ALL Y0ur ba53 ar3 b310ng to us/ etc/ etc. Expecting something good from a noob is like expecting a dead cow to give milk, if you ever encounter one just ignore him and hope he`ll go away. As they tend to migrate from game to game the noob problem will most likely never end (unless you`re a good friend with the local gms, but that`s another story).
Sadly, most of the noobs cannot realize that they are noobs, not even if an entire gaming community tells them that, therefore they will never figure out the fact that they suck because of their gaming style and will always blame it on others rather than blaming themselves, thus, never fixing the problem. Here are a few examples of the most common noobs:
-the Counter Strike idiot who will flashbang his comrades in a premature attempt to draw attention upon his "l33tness"
-the same Counter Strike motherfucker who will jump in the way of your bullets to steal your frag, getting his self, and you, killed.
-the random RTS idiot who will start mining YOUR resources because his mines (who produce just as much as yours) aren`t enough.
-the random MMO dickhead who will start masturbating the moment a good looking elf/night elf / dark elf character will join your party and who will lure the party to insanity in an attempt to hitch the gay dumbass with the sexy char.
-the fucking idiot who will nuke your base in order to save it ------ LE FUCK !!!
-the idiot who will ... ahhh forget it ... this list can go on until the heavens divide.

I guess thats enough hate typed down about the noobs and it`s just about time i started thinking emo, emo style to be precise, but still it`s hard for me to put the words idiot and style together .. pardon .. emo and style, i`ll get this over with one way or the other. Unlike noobs who only pretend to know what they are doing the emos have a vague clue about whats going on. For instance: he has the fully loaded shotgun in his hand, the enemy is at point-blank range, but still, the emo cannot comprehend the idea of clicking the mouse button in order to eliminate a potential threat, therefore the emo will farm .... the emo will grow ... the emo will do 30% of what he should do ... the emo will remain an emo only because in the gaming world a nice ANTI IDIOT BARRIER has appeared. This barrier is like air, you can`t see it but it`s there, making emos freeze or to simply fail if they try to do something casual for anyone else. For example in a juicy pvp match in a random mmo the emo will clearly loose thanks to a fucking big number of idiotic excuses like : i couldn`t target him/ i can`t kill him because he`s a good dude and he helps people or the classical : i`m too emo to figure out which skill to use against him.
The funny thing about emos is when the die or get pkd by not-so-emo rational players, the emos actually whine about how hard it was for them to get to the place where he got pkd, or about the XP or rank lost.
What can i say ? What could anyone say ? If being and idiot is a way of life for some people so be it ... i can only wish them to live forever !

I just can`t add noobs, emos and good or pro player styles in the same post. Part 3 will soon be posted.
Here`s a nice video about noobs/emos and wannabe PROs:

A Gaming Life - part 1

Weeks back while i was brainstorming, and while my attention was pointed in all the wrong directions ( i was at work ), a juicy idea spawned in my thoughts making me yell : LE FUCK !!!

A gaming life, my gaming life. It`s been some time now, since i wanted to do a post like this. This is less of a review about a particular game and more of a review about most of the games i ever played, more precise, about the sweet, yet banal factor in all games, the one factor i love the most : the enemies/monsters/AI. Though storylines/graphics/gameplay and other elements are important, i always liked a "challenge".

The classical way to start a "menu"-like post about mobs would be something about the most common emo`s in most games : humans.
The best way to describe the humans (and a few other RPG races ) would be something like this : Humans are versatile, yet incompetent. This average and unremarkable race can choose any job, which it will always perform in a halfassed way. This race is a perfect choice for new players and people in a hurry. Humans can pick any job but they excel as warriors, mobsters, farmers and estate agents. A good definition indeed but yet, incomplete. After generating an image about the complete gaming world one can safely say that humans can be found in most of the games doing most of the shit and still sucking at it - from miners, farmers to sharpshooters, snipers and demolition experts. Humans are remarkable ... but only when it comes to dying: they can be hacked, slashed, shocked, vaporised, shot, kicked in the balls/head, blown up, thrown of high places, poisoned, frozen, burned, pissed on, squashed, smashed, ran over, polymorphed into shit, sent into bizarre parallel emo worlds, etc, etc. The list goes on forever but still, when killing a human, I actually have FUN, therefore killing people is fun. If it`s either Postal, Manhunt, Grand Theft Auto, Red Faction, Jedi Academy or whatever ... humans always will die in a funny way. Take Red Faction for example, the "guards" may seem tough, but after planting a remote bomb on them they`ll run and act like crazed fags. In most of the shooters the humans will drop dead in the most gay/emo/funniest possible positions ever. I still think that a shotgun + human enemy = art.
It`s only natural to continue with humanoids, big or small, human like creatures i encountered mostly in RPGs and sometimes in RTSs. According to Wikipedia the term "humanoid" refers to any being whose body structure resembles that of a human. In this sense, the term indeed describes primates, as well as mythological creatures and artificial organisms (robots), especially in the context of science fiction and fantasy fiction. An android is a humanoid robot designed to look like a specific gender(mostly gay). When it comes to gaming I have to think about humanoids as trolls, primates, goblins, mutants, ghouls(Fallout power !!!) and shit like that. The thing about humanoids are pure and amazingly simple: they all and yes i mean ALL of them have one thing in common: a great strength and a greater weakness. For example: trolls have great strength therefore doing tons of damage but they run/walk really fucking slow, making them kiteable(shoot and run), motherfucking goblins usually represent one hit kill only because they have low hit points, low strength, mediocre speed but to compensate all this they will try to ZERG the player (waste of pixels if you ask me). In theory there should be tons of text here about humanoids but frankly i don`t see the point.
Since i got my mind filled with info about "nature"`s freaks i`ll carry one with nature itself. Mother nature must really be a whore, because if i try to generalize all the shit it can throw at the occasional gamer in a game or real life i have a real chance of getting hit by a lighting or something, but hey ... here it goes. Animals are one of the most common enemies the whore can trow at a gamer, but ... because we gamers are unnaturally smart we can summon animals to our cause, sometimes. These four(more or less) legged beasts try to be a pain in the ass in most types of games but in my opinion they represent a real threat only in FPSs and RTS, while being attacked by a dog in most first person shooters my target/pointer will try to jump out the screen, so try to be a little more careful when you hear a bark or a growling. On the other hand in a strategy game, a well placed dog can do wonders, on infantry(humans mostly), just think about Command and Conquer : Red Alert / Tiberian sun. During the creation of animals in FPSs and some RTSs mother nature surely used a condom because when i look at other games i can barely believe it, in Warcraft 3 there actually is a race devoted to hugging trees, whom you can also see in other games, mosty RPGs and MMOs. Other farts also known as animals appear in the gaming life, but, again, mostly in RPGs and MMOs. The good part about the farts in RPGs is that game developers managed to add series of quests with nice rewards ... quests that involve killing animals, quest like : bring me 9999999 rat tails for a nice pair of pants or a better weapon which you`ll use to kill other animals and ... eventually save the world. The thing about animals is this, they are either fast, either strong, either unworthy of being noticed.
During the obvious buttfuck with a tree the treehugger race spawned like crazy, they are called Elves. The elves are a race of gimps and (if i include the Dark/Night elves) porn stars. This race is amazing, visually speaking the males are nothing more than fags, nazis and whelps. World of Warcraft and Lineage 2 are the best example, possible if you want to see how an elf male looks like in any kind of armor (heavy/light/robe) in L2, you can see for yourself here. Females however seem to have all the power in this would-be society, they look good in any possible armor and in any possible situation. Enough about how they look for now, in the gaming world elfs excel in dexterity, stealth, intelligence and wisdom, therefore the only good classes for them are : archers, mages and healers/buffers. But even in most of the RTSs i ever played it`s easily noticeable that the elf "army" is made mostly out of females, the males in ones army are either workers/builders, healers/druids or crybabies. But this doesn`t have to mean that males can`t use weapons or cast spells ... it just looks bad if they do. I guess ... that`s what you get if you worship nature`s creations instead of eating them. Sadly nature means life, therefore... thinking about this from the start, don`t be amazed if a tree tries to kill you or some strange treehugging hybrid between plants and skinheads. I guess it`s a safe bet that insects will also try to kill you, but at least the insects are special in the gaming life, they are either giant, strong and fast or small and insignificant but travel in swarms and occasionally try to explode once they`re near you (thinking Half Life and more). But you don`t have to worry about them... the only good place to find them is a HIVE or near a hive. Besides the usually resistant shell you don`t have to worry about anything so feel free to explore a nearby hive and ... if you`re lucky you might find the boss of the hive(Queen usually). After all of my encounters with hives and queens i managed to draw the conclusion : getting to a queen is a lot harder than defeating it.
After all that chitchat about treehuggers and bush-humpers it would only be fair to jump to not-so-emo-life-hating undead bastards. You can find the living dead everywhere ... if you are either a shotgun expert or a bow master you can bet your sweet ammunition that the number of the bastard zombies will be a lot greater than the number of you bullets or arrows. Skeleton, zombie, lich, MMO player, ghost, hippie or vampire ... the name barely matters.. they all have one thing in common: they hate the living and want to see them dead. For example : if you have an undead race character i`m sure you hate the living people because all of them are trying to tell you to get a life or something like this. The main undead foe seems to be the skeletons, they are fast, they can handle just about any class(even my blind neighbor saw skeleton mages/archers), travel in groups ... if they travel at all .... and most important, they are a good source of xp for RPG and MMO players. These boneheads require one or 2 hits to die (unless it`s a mother of a skeleton from Warcarft 3 or the frist boss in Painkiller), again (in theory), and their dying animation is usually fun. Unlike the skeletons the zombies seem to have some flesh on their bones, thus making them heavier and therefore slower but they seem to hit harder, a lot harder and they also seem to be more resistant to damage, not too much damage but at least they can take a hit. Out of all the undead units these bastards are the most interesting. They seem to evolve and it`s a clear fact that they want to take over the world. The signs are everywhere: In the beginning they seemed to be mindless wastes of flesh moving extremely slow. Later, after probably realizing that the only thing destroyable for them are the trees and the occasional window, they started throwing things at me (lifeless objects or even parts of them). Against all odds, after realizing that they are farmable, the sacks of meat began using weapons (axes/swords/branches). It won`t be long until I`ll be seeing them doing human-like stuff, such as adopting little abandoned zombie dogs as pets, writing their own blogs,etc etc. I didn`t want to believe that the gaming world could be threatened by zombies until i saw this, this can sound really hard to believe but it`s for real. Zombies can already be found as main characters in Action/Adventure/RPG/MMOs games and more : movies, comics and anime series. Seesh ... i wonder if the bonehead Grim Fandango is their idle. Also, zombie-like bastards appeared in the gaming world, mummies, the fallout ghouls ... etcetera ... etcetera. I don`t care if a bored necromancer wanted to wake up the dead, if any alien bug has taken control of any emo on it`s way to self destruction, if any virus went loose in some underground secret facility or if hell is full ... i just want them dead... for real !!!
All this evilness makes me thirsty of some real evil, Demons, the best of the best, and only because ... "It`s good to be bad!" When i`m thinking demons i think : destruction, chaos, DEATH TO THE EMOs and all that sweet pain and cruelty. Unlike the undead who would rather curse their enemies, the beloved devils tend to nuke their foes, fact which is usually bad for the player because he`s one getting nuked. Demons are a rare race in the FPS world but they seem to excel in RPGs, MMOs and RTSs (ahhh Dungeon Keeper never gets old). As a foe the only demon enemy not worth too much effort is the Imp, unlike all the other Demons the imp is really weak and a good hit will kill him. But where`s an imp there`s a HellHound or... in the worst case scenario, a dragon who is playing with the imp. No worries here also because if you find yourself fighting with a dragon .. well heh ... welcome to the undead, this unless you have IMBA pro skills and tons of pure luck.
Too much talk about the sugary demons can get me diabetes so it`s only healthy for me to change the subject to a more salty race: The Divine Motherfuckers, and just like a party member from the 7th hell once told me in NWN 2 : His aura makes my skin itchy ! as we encountered a emo with a stick in his hand and a cross on his shield (most of you might know this kind of emos as Paladins). While the demons are masters of offense (super strong attacks, great nukes, and a good aim) the Divine pieces of shit are mostly known for their defensive ways, i think it all started when a dude turned his other cheek after receiving a hit (probably to balance the pain). What i`m trying to say here is : LE FUCK !!! The divine bags of diarrhea are good shield and mace users, using their holy powers to heal and protect themselves and others. The only good damage dealing unit are monks and Angels.
Angels have proven themselves time and time again as the ultimate foe (except bosses). Having good offensive, an even better defensive, they can really pack some damage. The thing i can`t really understand is: why based on defense ? Sure they can use the holy strength and light to do damage, and in some cases tend to come back from the grave after killing them (Lineage2 for example). It`s a well know fact that the best defense is strong offense, the strongest offense a divine shitbag has is in most cases is a wannabe hint filled with riddles, LE FUCK!! .. why give me hints and quests when they could join up, literary speaking, it`s like donating a wooden sword instead of a good one and the player has Bow expertise. The only good fight against an angel-like foe, as i recall, it`s from Devil May Cry 3, my sweet keyboard didn`t have a chance against them, but that never stopped me. The ArchAngels in Heroes have proven themselves to be good enough in a fight ... but, my money is on the Devils. Fallen Angels are also very common these days, fighting like berserks, dying like morons.
Good and Evil ... Black and White ... Ing and Yang ... it`s all about the point of view, so it`s time for a more neutral point of view, an extraterrestrial point of view, in other words: Aliens, big headed ugly fucks with no point of view and a secret agenda as big as hell. But i guess not all aliens are ugly, there are a few cases in which alien chicks look almost good, if you can ignore the tentacles. Aliens seem to have beaten the zombies when it comes to evolution: hi-tech weapons, big round spaceships and a nice advertising line: We come in peace !!! MY ASS !!!. They all seem to come in peace and tend to leave in pieces. These fucks always want to take over or destroy Earth in just about any game, i can`t really blame them, destroying a planet filled with emos is a good thing in my agenda. Their appearance seems to vary from big headed skinny fags to brute-like motherfuckers. I can say that some of the best games in which aliens can be found are: StarCraft, Half-Life, Advent Rising, Destroy all Humans, Alien vs Predator, StarWars, and so on (this list can really be big). In first person shooters the best way to get rid of the alien freaks is to add a few bullets to the head or a grenade at the right time and place. In strategy games aliens even develop bases, they seem to lack luck in RTSs though ... every place, where they build a base, gets nuked, don`t know why, it just seems to happen. However they look or act like they all seem to evolve ... if it`s instinct (ZERG/Alien) or technology (Protos/Predator). In other games they can be found using instincts and technology, like in Advent Risingfor example, but no worries there ... at least one human survived, and he`s only 30% emo, and did i mention he`s a god?
Aliens aren`t the only ones using high-tech weapons and toilets, if it comes to high-tech, the Robots are a real threat. All sizes, all models, all the possible ways to eliminate a player. Though they sounds complicated, as enemies they are remarkable weak and simple. Bots follow a precise pattern and have various weak spots. Most of them are directly guided by emos but the smart ones like to evolve. In Mech Warrior and Mech Commander for example the bots are controlled by brain-dead humans, meaning that they will try to avoid damage and at the same time will try to eliminate the threat. When self aware(AI) bots turn into target practice, usually they stand still and fire, but this happens mostly in RTSs. I can barely call the bots a race, but they sure make a good faction. In most self respecting action/shooters if you destroy a vital part of a bot, it`s only normal for it to accept it`s faith and blow up, in Mech Warrior i used to aim for the "leg", in the strategy games i couldn`t really aim but I still saw some nice explosions.
This should be enough for now, i really need some time to digest some ideas for part2.

The MMORPGs' involvement in gaming and my life

I know this has probably been reviewed, considered and thought of a thousand times over, but i have no intention of being 100% original. This is just my opinion; my little perspective upon MMOs and how they affect your gaming life.
As a kid, i've always been a fan of a type of game called RPG: those little adventures where you could create your own customised character, start small, and grow into something powerful.
It was later, when i got access to the internet, that i came in contact with a new, evolving (at the time) breed of RPGs. Not to say that i didn't hear of them before: i've been reading reviews of Asheron's Call and the like long before i had any internet access. Back then, these games were basically a lower graphical quality, larger world - version of normal RPGs. I didn't know, or had any interest in the phenomenon which keeps many gamers playing: human interaction.
But my time for facing the world came with the introduction of internet access and a nice little game which seemed too much like a Diablo 2 copy (not to say rip-off): Mu Online. I first saw it at an internet cafe and the first thing that came into my head was "hey, a new Diablo 2! Great, i was getting bored of the old one". Not to say it looked that much like diablo 2: everything was a lot more "shiny" than your regular game, with impressive spell effects designed to astound and amaze. Hesitantly, i began a new life in that game while searching for something to fill my time with. It was then when i first came face-to-face with today's MMO's most common concepts: grind. MU is a grind-filled game, so much that you can leave your character grinding while AFK and still acheive one of the best times to a certain level.
I didn't get far in Mu, because i interrupted my gameplay after reaching a high level (about 340) and joined one of my best friends in another, more promising online game called Lineage 2. Lineage 2 is a pay-to-play game, which means you have to pay a monthly fee to play it (a thing which i'm mildly opposed to), but this was a "private" server, a server hosted on another machine whose administrator didn't ask for any fee as a requirement to play. It was low-rate too, so the time needed to get to max level was pretty close to that of retail servers.
It wasn't as flashy, but it sure was more complex than the previous game. And this is where things started getting complicated: the game soon became a race rather than a thing to fill my spare time with, i was running through the game, slowly but surely becoming too impatient. I stopped reading quest logs, instructions, item descriptions, lore... the game suddenly turned into a race to match and overcome the top 25 of my class on that server. I can't say i wasn't getting bored: i was forced to kill a limited number of monsters (aka mobs) over and over again, using the same spell, seeing the same shitty animation a million times, and i had to do that faster than the others could. Needless to say, all was in vain because the server wiped its database and everyone started from zero again with the coming of a new expansion. I was disappointed; i wanted to get the game out of my head and quit it for good. After 2 weeks of sulking on high-rate servers, wanting to see everything there is to see about this game so that i could finally get it out of my system... i came back to the same server i started. This time, with even more will to play and reach the top. And so, my second ascent towards the server's hall of fame started, this time more vigurously and more aggressive than before. I played 14 hours per day, sometimes 16, sometimes standing awake for a full day and more, always trying to catch up those 2 weeks in which the others had risen to a higher level. The "no-lifer"ness didn't really bother me, nor does it bother me now; i chose a support class, and had a lot more fun than i had on my old DD back before the wipe. Overall, i have good memories of that time, and i can say i did something, however minor and irelevant in the long run, that benefited me as a gamer. Yet it didn't do good for my psyche. While before having access to the internet, i was exceedingly meticulous and patient (gaming-wise), now i could hardly play an RPG without zooming through all its content and crossing the finish line like a horse in a race. That's how i finished KoToR 1 and 2: i didn't have the patience to see all the areas, talk with all NPCs and so on. I spent the game like a speed-runner wanting to finish an FPS. I did notice the change, but it was too late to go back now. The server had a pause (a long, 5-month pause) in which i caught up to finishing other games and played on other servers, then i was back, and more willing to get to the top than ever. And i did... joined the biggest clan (aka guild) on the server, and soon became one of the the most popular support chars there (also the highest level support char). Soon, that guild led the server, and was even banned for making it unplayable for lower levels due to constant pk and monopoly. A second wipe was anticipated this time, and probably needed too: i had seen most high-end content, and now needed to study for my high-school graduation exams. It was then when i realised what the so-called gaming spree had done to me. Now i struggle to get my patience back, but i'm afraid i won't be needing it with games becoming less and less complex nowadays.
Why "so-called" gaming spree? Because i still consider MMOs to be cheap, simple clones of actually good games. Some of the pristine gaming elements which i expect to find in a game are missing: the feeling, the atmosphere, the well-thought storyline. The gameplay is a joke (the grind is something no game should have) but the gaping hole in it is somehow patched with what most people treasure more than actual gameplay: interaction between human beings, making friends and so forth.
As for Lineage 2, it wasn't long before i got GM status and i could see everything i wanted about the game, and once its content expired, so did my interest in it start to rapidly fall.
I didn't only play these 2 MMOs however, otherwise i couldn't have afforded to post this. I spent more or less time in many MMOs, including (but not limited to) RF Online, RYL Online, Anarchy Online and World of Warcraft. I seem to have taken a liking to the former, having found in it several aspects other MMOs lack (and also because i play freely on retail servers, courtesy of MisterDevil's budget). I guess this is what a well-made MMO looks like: it has at least a slight, passing resemblance to a good RPG, with the sacrifice of some human interactivity, but i don't mind, honestly. Needless to say, i play it casually now, stopping to take a breath and explore every content i can find, both high-end and low-end.
So to everyone who didn't yet start to play MMOs (i pray that there still are such people): don't consider starting them if you want to maintain a gaming carreer. Yes, you could live some of the nicest moments of your life, but you'll be disappointed when you probably find yourself not having any will to play single-player games anymore. And with singleplayer, you'll miss out on 60-90% of what a game was designed to be. Your call if you want to do that, but i wouldn't call myself a gamer if i did.
Later edit: still need to play eve online...

"Next-gen" or "how to fuck up a game"

Before i start ranting like a crazy fast-talking squirrel (you know who i'm referring to), let me
point out that despite Master Chief being on the front title logo thing, this blog isn't about console games, and probably never will be. So if you are one of those random individuals who thinks console games > pc games, please press the shiny "X" button in the far upper right. And kill yourself while you're at it.
While i haven't been playing all games that recently appeared (mostly due to me being late on my pc specs and having to play them on a friend's pc, but that will be fixed really soon),
i've been noticing a really retarded trend devouring pc games like a hungering whale recently:
console game adaptation to the pc platform. This was pretty good news at first, since everybody's such a maniac about console games and brag all day about how uber they are, and because console game developers are making a shitload more money out of consoles and frankly pc games have started to disappear at a slow rate, the fact that they're still taking interest in this platform can only satisfy me.
Then i began playing, and saw the miraculously retarded limitations in the console games' gameplay and mechanics. I don't know about you, but i wasn't aware that "next-gen" meant "twice the better graphics at the expense of making something that can actually be called a worthy game". I thought it was only me, i thought the button-matching sequences in Jericho were just a fragment of stupidity sprung from the producers' minds, but after playing several of these games, including the massively acclaimed, game-of-the-year-awarded Gears of War, i was left with something that can only be described as "a bad taste". Now keep in mind that i'm not a huge fan of graphical quality in a pc game - i tend to give games with lower graphics, but better gameplay more credit than your overall left-click-based, gelatinous-pixel-shader-filled killing frenzies. So let's cut to my main argument: limiting gameplay by adding in things that seem cool at first, but you can't stop wondering if you're locked in a box every time from thereafter.
I'll be reffering mostly to Gears of War in this article. The thing about it is not that it's too simple or lacking content - it's simply limiting. First, the whole "abuse the spacebar to survive" thing. While it's an interesting and somewhat new concept, we all know that using something TOO MUCH in a game, apart from the mouse buttons, will eventually become ridiculously annoying, at least for those of you who aren't complete ZOMBIES. The game basically forces you to use the spacebar key to hide behind walls, barriers and such, totally altering the whole genre from "action" to "action and hide behind obstacles to not get your ass kicked". I may exaggerate a bit, but then again, so did micro$oft. For me at least, this game wasn't fun, just a total waste of my time: the focus shifts from "kill enemies" to "kill more enemies". While that would be fine in a normal game, the LACK of things you can do in this game is significant. It feels like you're in a very tight corridor for the whole game, only taking ONE route and killing enemies that pop in your way. The game only allows you to carry 4 weapons, which makes sense i guess, because they're all visible on your character. What i didn't understand was why in the world would micro$oft prefer NOT to use the standard first-person or third-person view, but rather change to a snazzy side-vision which is somewhere above and to the right of your guy, YET pressing the right-click button changes to an *almost* first-person view, also with a crosshair. Couldn't they just adopt the standard 3rd-person+crosshair view and keep the right mouse button for some more interesting features? Apparently not.
About the space bar: the space bar also makes you use some objects, or jump around in Max Payne style. The "press E then press spacebar repeatedly to use an object" made me look back on the old Half-Life games, when i didn't have to complicate myself with 2 buttons and left the effortless action as what it was. But here, for diversity's sake, sometimes you have to press the space bar, THEN press E... micro$oft probably thinks that it's some sort of proof of skill. Which would also imply that we are all retards unless proven otherwise.
Going back to the corridor argument, at one point in the game, your movement is also restricted by the lighted areas of the game: dark means die, light means live. If you enter a dark room with no roof, angry bats will come and rape your ass. And when a street is all dark, you have to shoot some conveniently-placed-but-otherwise-totally-ambiguous propane tanks to light the way so that you can pass, conveniently making this game seem like a corridor in outside areas, as well.
And what's with the life-regeneration thing that every goddamn action game has these days? Yes, i know micro$oft thinks we're retarded, and the fact that it thinks we're too retarded to find and use some healing kits or items that replenish our health might be just the explanation. In fact, you regen your own health so easily that you can just use the spacebar to hide behind an obstacle while you get your own life back to... am i seeing a pattern here?
Besides that, there's the unexplainable events of this game, like WHY in the name of GOD am i not able to get back on a stairway if i stepped onto the platform leading from it (which was where i had to go, because obviously, every place you DO go without dying in this game, is where you need to be). You'd think i'd want to backtrack a bit, probably pick some more "weapons" (i.e. ammo) from the ground, but no... invisible wall takes care of that. Invisible wall is your friend.
You would think that, with the next generation of games, you'd also have the next generation (i.e. EVOLUTION) of game mechanics, and more complex gameplay. But sadly, the game evolution today seems to be inversely proportional to the evolution of stupidity in the world.
I've played linear games before, but for Christ's sake, Mario seemed to be more non-linear than this utter piece of shit... at least in Mario, i could sometimes choose to go the low way or the high one. In this game, if i somehow came to a crossroads, the game would tell me to press Q which would point me to the low road, just because the high road would mean certain death. Kinda makes all that graphical eye-candy seem like being put there only for the scenery...
The next thing would be the button-matching sequence which is present in an increasing number of console-ported games... the little thingy where directions apear on the screen, and you have to press the buttons corespondent to those directions, otherwise you fail. I wouldn't have anything against this sort of thing if:
1. It didn't seem like it was taking you back to the stone age - for crying out loud, you have all those new and shiny graphics - USE THEM.
2. It didn't take your focus from the game itself to the buttons you have to push - i can hardly enjoy what monstruous and gorey fatalities the character is doing if i have to pay attention to "left, right, left, up, left, down, right" all the time.
Apart from that, i can hardly imagine playing a shooter with a gamepad, but maybe that's just me.
I know i'm just talking here for nothing; i can't change what brings money. And so far, micro$oft and the other console game publishers have so much money shoved up their asses that the probability for games being made to suit the futuristic public in the movie Idiocracy is fucking high. Still, i'm waiting for the age when consoles will be ground to dust and everyone will see what an affront to nature they truly are - either that, or they make better console games.

A FUN game

Despite all odds, i got bored with "the new games", the new generation of games kind`of SUCKS, of course not all new games are bad but just most of them. When it comes to the new generation of PC games all the fun part goes to finding the bugs, the challenging part turns into saving enough money for a new PC if a player wants mega graphics ... and for what ? The new games are either clones with few enhancements or idiot remakes or sequels .
Usually i look for a challenge when it comes to PC games, hard games .. that require at least some skill, not quest or puzzle games but Action/Shooter/RTS`s. But enough about this, this post is dedicated to one of the most fun games i have played this month: Jets `N` Guns.
The game got my full attention 1 minute after starting it, it`s just great. The graphics are good, i mean a boom is a boom and a blast is a blast, the soundtracks are the standard for any similar game, the storyline is a bit zombie like - go there kill that / i went there i found/killed that.
This game has all the elements a gamer needs to enjoy it, it`s a nice arcade like/shoot`em`up style "player VS the world( space pirates/aliens etc. )" game.
Unlike other similar game in which the player owns a ship and has to save the world this game is funny. The player can paint/equip/upgrade his ship as he or she desires. Mainly the ship has : front/rear slots for weapons, rocket slot, bomb slot ... the classic. But the game exceeds it`s self with a lot of original weapons and upgrades and more. I personally like the Zombie Blues Plasma Gun, most of the weapons are great simply original, the player can buy or sell a weapon before any mission, during that time he can also test them on some "targets" before he takes them to battle. I could type about the weapons all day but there is more to the game than that. The upgrades are amazing : the player can even get form a nice shield around the ship to a jet pack ( in case the ship is destroyed the pilot ejects and the player can continue the game with the lil` pilot ... of course the game won`t last long from then on but it`s worth a few laughs) ... a nice hacking computer "Atarix" to help the player open picked up crates .. and even a Bounty Hunter Licence to spot out the wanted pirates in the enemy ships ^^. One of the features i liked the most is that during the game .. enemy pilots tend to eject a lot after their ship is destroyed and therefore their corpses go to the body count ... and .. with some luck ... a big part of the destroyed ship will fall on some other future points for the body count on the ground ... little bastards ^^.. even the weapons description and the game background and funny.
Not much left to say ... but more to play, and it`s worth it.