Noobs, small tits and DiCaprio

Every once in a while i find myself filled with the urge to simply destroy every fucking emo in my sight, and, if possible, to steal their flag of faggotry and return it to my base camp. I start up easily by buffing myself, laughing at my so called team mates who are so eager to die ( proven by the fact that they want to rush ahead of every other team mate and face the enemy ) and wait for the doors to open or the fence that`s blocking my way to fall. After the noobs who rushed ahead die, the true battle starts, i immediately pick my target, stun the hell out of him and using the power of righteousness i send the motherfuckers back to their base. In most of the cases things work out great for me, i simply hug God and beg for him to lay a bubble on my ass when things get too dangerous and if God refuses to help i simply use other superstitious bullshit to get myself back to full health : like bandaging my broken or missing leg or light myself up hoping that some holiness of the light will reach my but raped ass. Generally i can handle 2 normal players easy, 3 if i`m lucky but if the match is 10 to 10 i hope that i don`t have to. Lately on the other hand the l33tness of the battlegrounds amaze me, for about 3 to 4 hours we lost in the most shameful manner ever, and so, just like any other Romanian, i began to search for the idiots to blame. Turns out that most of my so called team mates are under 12, and i`m the only idiot to blame here, because i actually expected something from them, also i found out the hard way that no matter how hard i try i still can`t defeat the ZERG, leaving me with the simple conclusion : try again at a higher level.
If you never experienced the sensation above, means that you never played World of Warcraft (in the battlegrounds ), in witch case i highly recommend that you start enjoying the online sensation and by doing so, loosing your soul.


After getting beat up in the worst possible way in the BattleGrounds i tried to escape the reality in witch i escaped from the real life, by jumping into another reality, a movie. As i was browsing through the internetz looking for something good to watch, other than youtube of course, i stumbled upon Resident Evil : Degeneration. Whenever i think about Resident Evil i instantly have a flash about a girl with small titties, nice legs and, tons of undead-hugging bullets and begging for brains.
Surprisingly this wasn`t the case here, because the first thing i noticed was that i didn`t escape from the gaming world, no, not this time, said a little cocksucker living in my head ( somewhere near the rear) as the first image from the movie had the word CAPCOM written all over it. The movie is about the characters from the game, all cool and emo and all in 3d.
My first impressions were as rational as possible : Where the fuck are the boobs !?!?!?!?
Instead of watching an overpowered character beating the shit out of the undead i ended up watching an overpowered Pc Game hero beating the shit out of the undead, well not exactly beating, because the movie was mostly about how they ran away from the zombies instead of killing/re-killing them and somehow they ended up at The Umbrella Corporation 2 aka Wilpharma Corporation.
Degeneration has it`s nice action scenes, the storyline is as sad as possible, in fact no real storyline was detected if i start to think about it, because the movie is more like a cutscene between the game series, a tittles cutscene.

As this movie ended i said to myself what any other gamer in my situation would say : this is not a good day for gaming, or watching movies. So i turned on the TV tried MTV wich turned out to be a /fail because none of the "latest hits" are for me, then tried VH1 and i was thinking about giving gaming a second shot, but this time at a fun game, the Jets`N`Guns Gold. Not surprinsingly even that game managed to beat the shit out of me and the more i tried to get over a fucking level the ideea of suicide seemed to sound better and better. Some time passes and my room mate gets a call from a friend who actually managed to convince us to get out of the house, and, go watch a movie at the mall. For me it was all the same, the day could not get any shittier. The entire year presented itself with cheap and fucked up movies, hardly a few games worth mentioning and a price increase for my rent.
And so we went to the mall to see Body of Lies, the seond i saw the poster with DiCaprio in it I turned emo thinking that this is just another love movie. Suicide was more tempting than ever, i had the motives, the means and the will power to do it, the rope was all around my neck and the movie started, the short advertisements managed to convince me that a rope cannot be enough, i need a few blades as well and a Cola.
Against all odds i am still alive, when i got out i was more than impressed, the movie turned out to be the movie i`ve ever seen this year, by far the best, unless they launch a Alizee rape movie any time soon.
Body of Lies was fantastic, it had no emo scenes whatsoever, the romance was as low as possible, amazingly low for DiCaprio. The action put together with the storyline and a few good actors turned out into an epic movie worthy of viewing at least once.
I don`t intend to start with the movie description, saying that it`s another movie about war on terrorism and all that, so here`s the trailer and enjoy :

Dead Fantasy

So there i was working when a friend showed me this, i just love it :D




It`s not that bad, but then again, there`s more :




Thank the gods of gaming for GT and their good video quality.

Games VS Movies : Postal

Postal, the game which inspires carnage, tons of blood, big guns, strange guns, and lots of ways to kill an emo. I guess that the best way to describe this game is: FUN.

Recently I saw the Postal movie, just like the game, is great. From the beginning to the end I laughed my guts out as I watched the postal dude spread funny lines from left to the right, as he was put in many great situations and mostly, the way he managed to handle them all.

The movie starts in one of the funniest, yet controversial, possible ways ever, a joke about 9/11, as how the whole stuff wasn`t the way it supposed to be. Shortly after the great intro I saw the main character of the movie just like in the game, and trust me on this one, there was no one better for this role, there are only a handful of actors I know, who have this lovely effect on you, when I saw Zack Ward, I instantly realized one thing: he`s going to rape or kill one or many emo`s.

Starting in front of his trailer house in Paradise City, listening to the crap his fat bitch of a wife had to say, and only after a few seconds, how he finds out about the fucking she does when the dude isn`t home.

Generally this movie is like a roller coaster, it has as many superb parts as it has stupid and boring ones. For some strange reasons, probably the power of Hollywood, in this movie I saw one of the most useless characters in a movie: “the good looking secondary character, the bitch, the cool looking coffee seller girl”. Sure the movie added tons of hot babes, but why did this one had to appear as if she`s the postal dude`s girlfriend or something. Sure the movie had the classical emo killing, hippie raping, and best of all: A few explosions involving the number one fans of Allah. Sure the movie added the cat-pistol, or, how I like to call it, the headshot through a cat`s ass.

After an hour of watching the shower of blood, and the gut flow this movie had to offer, it ended with absolutely the greatest fucking line in the history of man kind as we know it, and with the dream of the masses coming true : The explosion of the wife, and the epic line : I regret nothing!

Games VS Movies

Time for another Games VS Movies post. So far I`ve seen bad movies made after good games, this time, the movies have not yet appeared but they are made after really good games.
The first movie is none other than Far Cry, inspired by the island shooter with the same name, the first Island first person shooter which, back when it appeared, had tons of system requirements, at least we won`t need too many graphics cards to see the movie. Trailer impressions : poor action movie. What can i say ? Another would-be hero named Jack (Who the fuck is Til Schweiger anyway ?) trying to save the day fighting would-be bad guys with bullet magnets in their pockets. I guess making a good movie asfter a game is just as hard as trying to get an emo to tell jokes. I guess we`ll see this movie sometime this year, after summer no doubt.




Another announced movie makes its way to today`s post: the one, the only World of Warcraft. A movie after the most played MMO so far, a big name indeed. The only thing i know for sure about this one is that it`s announced for 2009. The movie is supposed to be about the World before the MMO launched. Excuse but last time i checked humans and orcs were somewhat communicating and all the living races joined forces to beat off the not so living, and now, in the World we can see boneheads in Ogrimmar, allied with Blood Elves. So many twists and turns which need explaining. I guess emos can really tell jokes, sad jokes, but still, jokes.

Games VS Movies

And so it came to pass, that the gamers which once spent hours after hours of quality gaming, saw on the big screens the names of the games they have enjoyed so much .... being torn to shreds.
Maybe i`m just being just a little out of my mind right now, though i doubt that just two beers can do this to me, but this is just sick.
A few hours ago i saw a somewhat promising movie called "Hitman" and i`m only saying promising because ... heh .. the movie was supposed to be adapted from the game series : Hitman. Sure, the guy is bald, wears a nice outfit and so it happens to be an assassin but when it comes to adapting from the game series ... this is just crap. Comparing the two : game/movie the salty taste of dissapointment filled my mouth ... or maybe it was the beer.

First of all, 47 is supposed to be a big muscular mature guy with one goal in his mind, but in the movie 47 is more of an EMO batman wannabe kid with a few nice "toys". Second !!! The game was mostly based on stealth, but the nice movie showed the world otherwise. I don`t recall going in a room filled with enemies slaughtering them all using Matrix/Equilibrium skills as THE MAIN IDEA also i don`t recall having a Blood Rayne moment and use two fucking blades to cut to pieces the enemies... hmm Blood Rayne ... i`ll get to that later in this post. But enough with the crap, otherwise i`ll have to type here longer than it will take me to finish an MMO.
The movie used few features from the game, but still better than nothing, features like changing outfits, hiding bodies, and premeditating the target`s route ( muhahahaha in order to get max score for the mission :P ), and the classical laptop used to get info about the targets.

More about the movie. The main EMO *ahem* 47 is Timothy Olyphant, don`t know much about him ... and i don`t wanna know. Surprisingly there were two actors i liked from other movies/series like Robert Knepper or "T-Bag" ( from the Prison Break series ) in the role of some Russian agent who didn`t know when to give up.

To be honest, i think 47 is gay ... i mean ... if he let the Interpol dude live because of the girl ... why not just fuck the Russian bitch ?

More movies made after games

Let`s see now, ah yes .. Blood Rayne.
This movie was special, suffice to say that all the crap i can come with, the chick still is cool both in the game and the movie so it makes up for it. Simple and clean, the movie was about how Rayne turned from a circus freak into a killer using the blades and the game was about how using the blades to kill monsters, people and whatever can be fun.
No crap for this one because the movie didn`t manage to hurt the game in any possible way, even better .. the movie actually proved that Rayne could look good even in real life.





Almost forgot to add one more movie to this post :) The classical Doom

Ahhh ... Doom, the movie made after the well known Doom 3. This movie was quite unstable, often bouncing between GREAT and BORING. Crazy as it sounds, but this adaptation of the game ... just like the game, tried to be scary .... horror even :) but unfortunately for the fags who made the movie : alien brain-eating bone-crushing wall-hugging mutants aren`t new and neither original in the movie industry, and neither the idea of the almost dead hero who receives a last minute power`up which makes him strong enough to kill the insanely strong bad character ... thus ... saving the world. Overlooking the crappy part Doom had good parts as well, like the introduction of the Big Fucking Gun ( though any movie about a fps should have a BFG :P ) and the nice instant jump to first person view ... almost felt like playing the game, felt good. Come to think of it, the first thing i liked about this one were the soldier`s nicks/names : Goat / The Kid / Pinky / Destroyer / Razor ... etc ... nicks any FPS gamer would use :P