Thursday, May 7, 2009

X-Men Origins : Wolverine

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Tom Clancy`s H.A.W.X.

A few weeks ago, a friend from work asked me if I played H.A.W.X. yet and if I like flight simulators. My answer was simple : NO and FUCK YOU. I barely forgot all the hours of stress while trying to figure out how to get off the ground in one of the F-xx series.
Though i didn`t want to stay completely in the dark, I decided to at least google the damn game. Google`s results were, as always, many and barely decisive, until i saw the magic words : TOM CLANCY`s. I didn`t hear about H.A.W.X before, but when i saw Tom`s name there, i knew that it deserved at least one try. So far, all of Tom Clancy`s games were great for me, so almost instinctively i knew this one would be great.
A few moments of download, another few moments to install the game and voila, i was ready to kick ass.
I have to admit that while the game was installing i kept having some flashbacks about my plane simply sitting in the airfield doing nothing as i had no fucking idea about how to take off, but there it was, i started the game campaign and, to my greatest surprise, my plane was already in the air.
"AI KARAMBA!!" shouted Bart`s voice in my head, now i am going to kick ass for real. In just a few seconds i adapted to the game, and already blowing some emo ass sky high. H.A.W.X. has an almost unique gameplay that relies on two very important things : SIMPLE and FUN. In my opinion other flight simulators are hardly SIMPLE and NO FUN at all, while H.A.W.X. is purely brilliant. The air-to-air fights are pretty much awesome and the air-to-ground fights are like a small challenge which consist of "how many tanks can you blow up before you hit the ground/have to turn your noze up and dive into them again". All of the missions include blow this up and protect/escort that, but even the protect/escort part consists on blowing enemies fast and effective. Though so far i`ve only played the campaign and it took me about 4-5 hours to finish i have to admit that the only bad thing i can say about this game is that the "realism" part si pretty damn questionable. At one mission i was supposed to take back L.A. and after a quick sweep of the city, another wave of enemies had appeared, i pretty damn expected to see more tanks and planes on the battlefield but i really couldn`t understand where did the fucking Anti-Air turrets had appeared from again ( considering that the city had been swept of all enemy forces ) ?!?!?!?!
Besides the great gameplay H.A.W.X. has great graphics to offer, even if most of the time i had to stare at the plane`s ass i can say that this game was a real treat for my candy hungry eyes ( especially now with my new PC ). All of the mission locations look as realistic as authentic ass possible.
Next to the cool graphics and great gameplay this particular game also has some of the best sound tracks so far. Put them all together and voila : i was fucking absorbed by game.

Just like all the games out there, H.A.W.X. isnt flawless, the most important thing for me simply had to disappoint me : the difficulty system. At the normal level i had many missiles and i took very low damage, at the expert difficulty i had slightly fewer missiles and i took a little more damage, but the enemies rarely managed to land a hit on me and they blow up really fast at either difficulty leveles ( 1-2 missiles ), and even for the dumbest of players there is an E.R.S.(Enhanced Reality System) to help them evade/intercept/fly.

Here`s a pic of me trying to play the game at the super mega awesome difficulty setting : my cat biting/playing with my hand while i was playing.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Things i learned from MMOs

- Whatever your goal in life may be, you must always be an adventurer.
- The outskirts of your training grounds have many small animals who will happily act as your punching bag.
- Spells make you thirsty.
- Eating normal food will heal even the worst-looking wound.
- Some people have the job of standing around waiting for someone to bring them things.
- No matter how many people tell him where they are, the farmer will never find his lost children.
- People will award you with large amounts of gold for delivering a letter to their uncle which lives 10 minutes away.
- Anything you kill will disappear soon, only to reappear a few minutes later, alive and having forgotten everything.
- Animals will puke gold when you kill them. Incidentally, that is also how gold is made as there never seems to be any coin-making factory anywhere.
- Your character can survive indefinitely without food, water, sleep or personal hygiene.
- Platemail covers 90% of the male body, but only 20% of the female body. However, in both cases it weighs exactly the same and offers the same protection.
- Chainmail bikinis are among the most powerful and protective pieces of armor.
- If you are a very powerful and ancient creature about to be attacked by a band of adventurers, the most logical course of action is to try and kill the one who pisses you off the most while randomly throwing fire on the others. Incidentally, the one who pisses you off the most is the heavily armored guy wearing a shield.
- Shields and armored warriors piss off powerful creatures more than spells of mass destruction aimed at their faces.
- No matter how wounded you are, you will never feel any pain or experience weakness. Sometimes, you will even experience strength.
- No one ever uses a staff as a walking aid or to hit something with. Instead, staves are used to increase the power of your spells.
- No matter how big you are, you will NEVER try to squish an adventurer who wants to kill you. Instead, you will try to hit him with whatever weapons you have at your disposal.
- Powerful creatures always carry powerful items they do not have any use for.
- Creatures will get tired of chasing you given enough time and will just forget about you, and are incapable of hearing/seeing things that are happening further than 20 yards away.
- A big enough sword can sometimes do more damage than an exploding ball of fire.
- Every general goods vendor in the world sells the exact same things in infinite quantities.
- No matter how shitty and useless something you pick up from the ground is, someone will surely buy it.
- Once you have killed enough monsters or done enough deliveries, you will be surrounded by shiny lights and will grow in power.
- No matter how many times you die, it will never be permanent.
- No matter how many times a creature kills you, you can always come back to try again.
- All dwarves are scottish, like to drink and live in snowy or underground areas.
- There is no such thing as fat people.
- Although all races procrate, there are very few or no half-breeds, unless they are powerful, significant and awesome. Half-dwarves are a concept which does not exist.
- Trolls are jamaican unless they are evil and/or dumb.
- If you are an evil creature, do NOT kill a good, innocent creature unless you want its spirit to come back and offer rewards to adventurers who kill you.
- Powerful adventurers who kill dragons for a living will sometimes collect cute fluffy things.
- The chinese are an evil nation composed entirely of farmers.