Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Furious Dance

It all started with Scccwwwhhhhh ... round the corner, and not long ago i literally saw the skill, Athene emerged from pwning noobs to dancing contests, and out of all the clips i simply loved the latest :

And now, it seems that Scooter isn`t the only one dancing round the world :

Simply... Fantastic, too bad he got banned.

I never thought that there are so many gnomes in World of Warcraft, lol to the gnome power and bow to the Dorf power =))

Monday, December 8, 2008

Noobs, small tits and DiCaprio

Every once in a while i find myself filled with the urge to simply destroy every fucking emo in my sight, and, if possible, to steal their flag of faggotry and return it to my base camp. I start up easily by buffing myself, laughing at my so called team mates who are so eager to die ( proven by the fact that they want to rush ahead of every other team mate and face the enemy ) and wait for the doors to open or the fence that`s blocking my way to fall. After the noobs who rushed ahead die, the true battle starts, i immediately pick my target, stun the hell out of him and using the power of righteousness i send the motherfuckers back to their base. In most of the cases things work out great for me, i simply hug God and beg for him to lay a bubble on my ass when things get too dangerous and if God refuses to help i simply use other superstitious bullshit to get myself back to full health : like bandaging my broken or missing leg or light myself up hoping that some holiness of the light will reach my but raped ass. Generally i can handle 2 normal players easy, 3 if i`m lucky but if the match is 10 to 10 i hope that i don`t have to. Lately on the other hand the l33tness of the battlegrounds amaze me, for about 3 to 4 hours we lost in the most shameful manner ever, and so, just like any other Romanian, i began to search for the idiots to blame. Turns out that most of my so called team mates are under 12, and i`m the only idiot to blame here, because i actually expected something from them, also i found out the hard way that no matter how hard i try i still can`t defeat the ZERG, leaving me with the simple conclusion : try again at a higher level.
If you never experienced the sensation above, means that you never played World of Warcraft (in the battlegrounds ), in witch case i highly recommend that you start enjoying the online sensation and by doing so, loosing your soul.

After getting beat up in the worst possible way in the BattleGrounds i tried to escape the reality in witch i escaped from the real life, by jumping into another reality, a movie. As i was browsing through the internetz looking for something good to watch, other than youtube of course, i stumbled upon Resident Evil : Degeneration. Whenever i think about Resident Evil i instantly have a flash about a girl with small titties, nice legs and, tons of undead-hugging bullets and begging for brains.
Surprisingly this wasn`t the case here, because the first thing i noticed was that i didn`t escape from the gaming world, no, not this time, said a little cocksucker living in my head ( somewhere near the rear) as the first image from the movie had the word CAPCOM written all over it. The movie is about the characters from the game, all cool and emo and all in 3d.
My first impressions were as rational as possible : Where the fuck are the boobs !?!?!?!?
Instead of watching an overpowered character beating the shit out of the undead i ended up watching an overpowered Pc Game hero beating the shit out of the undead, well not exactly beating, because the movie was mostly about how they ran away from the zombies instead of killing/re-killing them and somehow they ended up at The Umbrella Corporation 2 aka Wilpharma Corporation.
Degeneration has it`s nice action scenes, the storyline is as sad as possible, in fact no real storyline was detected if i start to think about it, because the movie is more like a cutscene between the game series, a tittles cutscene.

As this movie ended i said to myself what any other gamer in my situation would say : this is not a good day for gaming, or watching movies. So i turned on the TV tried MTV wich turned out to be a /fail because none of the "latest hits" are for me, then tried VH1 and i was thinking about giving gaming a second shot, but this time at a fun game, the Jets`N`Guns Gold. Not surprinsingly even that game managed to beat the shit out of me and the more i tried to get over a fucking level the ideea of suicide seemed to sound better and better. Some time passes and my room mate gets a call from a friend who actually managed to convince us to get out of the house, and, go watch a movie at the mall. For me it was all the same, the day could not get any shittier. The entire year presented itself with cheap and fucked up movies, hardly a few games worth mentioning and a price increase for my rent.
And so we went to the mall to see Body of Lies, the seond i saw the poster with DiCaprio in it I turned emo thinking that this is just another love movie. Suicide was more tempting than ever, i had the motives, the means and the will power to do it, the rope was all around my neck and the movie started, the short advertisements managed to convince me that a rope cannot be enough, i need a few blades as well and a Cola.
Against all odds i am still alive, when i got out i was more than impressed, the movie turned out to be the movie i`ve ever seen this year, by far the best, unless they launch a Alizee rape movie any time soon.
Body of Lies was fantastic, it had no emo scenes whatsoever, the romance was as low as possible, amazingly low for DiCaprio. The action put together with the storyline and a few good actors turned out into an epic movie worthy of viewing at least once.
I don`t intend to start with the movie description, saying that it`s another movie about war on terrorism and all that, so here`s the trailer and enjoy :

Monday, November 17, 2008

World of Goo

Though i got my Wrath of the Lich King expansion on time, i discovered another highly addictive world, and not the World of Warcraft with all it`s glory and fame, but with World of Goo, with it`s ... Goo`s.
As a gamer i`m not particularly fond of puzzles and idiotic games which require somewhat more than average brain usage, but when it comes to funny games i immediately put my brain to work and start enjoying the game. World of Goo is mostly a game for kids, a game without a real storyline, without any meaning at all for that matter, it`s basically a physics emulator with goo`s in it.

Just a few moments after i started the game i was already having fun, and i mean laughing my lungs out, though the main objective of the game is to get the goo`s to a pipe ( as simple as i gets ), i never got tired of building "ladders" for my goo`s, and even when it all felt in my face ( thanks to gravity ) it didn`t bother me. The game is so cute that even when I failed to do the simplest of things the game had a nice, almost funny way of saying Fuck YOU!
One of the great things about this game were the levels, enjoying every level, though the main quest is the same, none of the levels repeat themselves, each and every level had it`s one way of saying : I`m unique but most likely the next one is better. In most levels -The Sign Painter occasionally gives hints, never tells what to do, but tries to help out.

Finishing the game was in fact easy, building large structures of goo in order to save the other goo`s was tons of pure fun, and why not? The graphics are cute, the effect are more than cute, and the sounds are hilarious. Seeing some of the goo balls burst into flames or explode may generate laughter, Watching them pop up as the gravity or the wind throws them into a windmill can also be classified as fun.

The lack of a real storyline here is amazingly compensated by the feeling that something is or will be happening, though the goo`s generally tend to go, and while i suspected that the game will end up with a massive goo made "building", i was wrong. The ending of each and every chapter simply blew my expectations away, they were part silly however but still, fun.

If i think about it, world of Goo managed to do what other games failed. With it`s pure simplicity and flexibility one could actually get addicted to the never ending fun.
Sadly the piracy rate of this game is more than 90%, not too good for the 2D Boys to be honest, but the game only has 70 mb and clearly it`s worth playing, and paying 20$ ffs.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Apocalypse Evolved: a Fallout rant

No surprise that i'm writing this since Fallout 3 went live several days ago, so i'm gonna cut it short on the intro. This is both a review, and an old gamer's perspective on Fallout 3 versus its predecessor.
Let's chill out a bit and go way back, to the era of games that didn't have million-dollar budgets, when consoles didn't each have their own code and when people made games because they had a passion for it rather than to gain popularity. That was the era in which i started gaming, and the time when i experienced some of the best moments of my life. Let's go back to when a tiny little company called Interplay got it into their heads to make a game about a post-nuclear dystopia where everything was ruined, desecrated and basically fucked up. But they did more than that: they added 2 of the most basic yet defining elements a game can have: violence and humor.
So take a really violent game with lots of humor set in the ruins of a post-apocalyptic universe, and you have something that kinda follows the idea of Fallout. Make that game have one of the best atmospheres, settings and feelings that ever graced the history of gaming and you have Fallout. Now i didn't play the first Fallout, and this is why i won't be talking about it here and now. However, its sequel, Fallout 2, i have finished a total of 4 times and still consider the best game ever made for the PC. Let's get this straight: it was not perfect. It was far from perfect, in fact it had craploads of bugs, the story wasn't the size of Legacy of Kain or even Baldur's Gate, but the game flowed on through all its problems. The bugs were more game-making than game-breaking(well if you saved a lot), to the point where you actually used some of them to have fun. The story was not the best there could be for its setting, but because of that very setting it was perfectly balanced. And the universe sucked you in, it dragged you down to the point that it was no longer a game. It was beyond a game. And that oppinion has been shared by countless people who have waited for a sequel ever since.
Enter Fallout 3. At first, everyone was dismayed that Interplay had dropped its own F3 project, but people continued to hope. Not until the license was brought by Bethesda did people start to fear: fear that Fallout would not in fact be Fallout, but rather a cheap Elder Scrolls copy. But you know what, The Elder Scrolls was a nice series, which proves they aren't totally idiots when it comes to games, and if they keep the Fallout essence intact, there's a nice chance it will be Fallout. So up until i finally got to play it, there was this burning question in my gut: will it, or will it not be Fallout?
So is it a cheap Elder Scrolls copy, in the end? Yes, and no. More like an incredibly well-done Elder Scrolls copy, because it's better than Oblivion, but NOT better than Fallout.
Let's start with the basics of what makes Fallout Fallout: mechanics. I think everyone who's played Fallout 1 or 2 remembers the interface's ease of use (when you mastered it) and the useful, fun options you had to customize your char. Well, how about Fallout 3? I can't possibly explain this without writing a wall of text so let's make a list.
Fallout 2:

  1. Skills can be raised up to 300% and get more expensive to raise starting at 100%
  2. Skills can be used frequently in a variety of unconventional situations
  3. Tag skills get raised twice as fast and a tag increases the base skill by 20 points.
  4. Background traits can drastically modify the way you play
  5. Each point in a stat contributes to a very important aspect
  6. Perks are gained once every 3 levels (by default) and offer unique, powerful and game-changing bonuses
  7. There is no maximum level, and you can still play the game as you like after finishing the main quest
  8. Weapons/armor don't degrade, and you can get your own travelling "stash" in the form of a car.
Fallout 3:
  1. Skills can be raised to 100, after that, fuck you.
  2. Skills are rarely used in dialogue, and very rarely used outside of dialogue with the exception of using them exactly for what they're supposed to do. If Fallout 3 was Fallout 2, you could not repair the well in the first village.
  3. Tag skills are a 15 point bonus for that particular skill and nothing else.
  4. Background traits do not exist
  5. Each point in a stat gives a measly contribution to 2 or 3 skills and a non-skill feature (like weight limit)
  6. Perks are gained every level and 90% of them offer either a skill bonus, stat bonus, exp bonus, more dialogue options, accuracy bonus, money bonus, damage bonus (both situational and usual), action point bonus or a combination/variation of the above. The only truly unique perk is Explorer, but getting that means throwing away other good perks.
  7. The maximum level is 20 and it's only attainable if you stray far, far away from the main quest for a long time and no apparent reason. After the game ends, you can go fuck yourself because you're not going back, no matter what ending you chose.
  8. Weapons break themselves like you were hammering them with a super sledge instead of pulling a trigger. Not much different from Oblivion, that is. This wouldn't be so bad if you didn't need copies of the same weapon to repair them. The car is gone, replaced by Oblivion's fast travel. Surprisingly, fast travel doesn't have a fucking trunk.
There are lots more i could add, but we're talking about game mechanics here. Bethesda has changed Fallout's skill and stat system to a state which would have been unrecognisable if the game didn't throw the word S.P.E.C.I.A.L. on our heads every fucking time, and if the game didn't make use of the same names for perks/skills. Which leads me to the next bit: if you ever play F3 after F2, you'll clearly see that Bethesda has tried hard to keep the Fallout humor and atmosphere. Sometimes, i think, too hard. First off, F2 never told us anything about SPECIAL, i remember discovering that the stats make up that word by myself. Second, some things seem exaggerated. For instance, the sound. Fallout 1 and 2 each had (if i'm not mistaken) ONE single old-school Jazz song attached to them. One GOOD song, which made sense in their given setting and were right on the spot where they should have been: the intro. In Fallout 3, you can choose to listen to a radio station that plays a crapload of these songs. And while i've been watching the Fallout 2 intro over and over just to listen to Armstrong's "a kiss to build a dream on" one more time, there's only SO many raiders i can kill while i'm "hackin' and whackin' and smackin'". So eventually i really feel the need to turn that shit off because it actually cripples the atmosphere instead of making it more integrating. And that's just an example... there's vaults everywhere, you use the same drugs (even though Jet was invented by the Mordino family far away on the west coast), but it just doesn't do it as good as Fallout did.
Then there's VATS. Vault-tec Automated blah blah. Basically, a very cheap re-enactment of the old turn-based action-point-based system. It's overpowered enough to make you use it (how i was able to shoot a gun 16 fucking times with pinpoint accuracy in what could qualify as half a second is beyond me), it feels awkward, it looks awkward, and it pretty much takes you away from the FPS experience and into the RPG. It completely eliminates all idea of tactics and using your action points in a smart way, making the game a "click the body part and shoot" thing, but at least it's entertaining in the form of violent slow-motion deaths.
I remember one particular pattern i used to follow in Oblivion: ride around, find dungeon, enter dungeon, kill everything in dungeon, loot dungeon, exit dungeon, find more dungeon. Then i played Fallout 3: walk around, find dungeon (cave/factory/office building), enter dungeon, kill everything in dungeon, loot dungeon, exit dungeon, find more dungeon. To the point where it's becoming pretty clear that they only put those dungeons there to extend the playtime. There's only 3 vaults of any significance in this game, the 3-4 remaining ones don't have any story to them and aren't related to the main story in ANY way. Sure, one is full of clones while the other is messing with your brain but overall it's just the same sequence i outlined earlier.
Which makes it kinda sad since that was the element that alienated me from Oblivion in the first place, and it's coincidentally also why i got bored of Mass Effect. Are people losing inspiration so much that they have to take simplistic MMORPG elements (aka the dungeon with no soul) and insert them into single player games as a way of extending playtime? Well, wake the fuck up and stop calling yourself game designers. Get a new name, like FAIL designers.
Ok, i've nitpicked the bad parts of the game long enough, and i think we can all agree that it ain't Fallout by now. Yet the fact that it ain't Fallout doesn't mean it can't be a good game, all things considered. Let's start with the obvious: the game is gorgeous. I've looked closely at the details and they've recreated the game pretty close to its predecessor. The first-person view is fine when you get used to it, and it doesn't obstruct the morbid beauty of the Wasteland. The soundtrack is good despite what i said about the old songs (well, as good as depressing music can get, i guess). The dialogue is nothing compared to Fallout 2, but it's vastly improved over Oblivion, as is much of the storyline and many of the quests. I finished the game, but reloaded and went back into the waste to see what i've missed, and i'm still not bored with it yet. At one point while i was exploding ghoul heads with my shitgun, i suddenly realised something: i was actually having fun. And i had as much fun during the robot sequence near the end of the game: you know what i'm talking about if you got there, and i dare say it's one of the most exhilarating experiences ever felt in gaming. So as non-fallout as it is, the game will still be worth a shot, especially if you have no idea what fallout is and/or played fallout but didn't like it (in which case i welcome you to the museum of rare people). So that's mostly it... i hope they don't decide to push the franchise further because i really don't want a Fallout 4 now. And if they do make Fallout 4, then let it be this. Take a look at it and see what the true Fallout 3 looked like. This, with all its ancient and fucked up graphics, is Fallout.
And despite what's happened to the game, it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. Fallout, no matter what happens, will still live on in our hearts and in our minds as the game that gave us one of the best adventures in gaming. Because even if Fallout itself may change, we all know war... war never changes.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Dead Fantasy

So there i was working when a friend showed me this, i just love it :D

It`s not that bad, but then again, there`s more :

Thank the gods of gaming for GT and their good video quality.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Call of grenades !!

So there i was, minding my own business, trying to aim for the head, when all of a sudden the grenade indicator appeared, and then, just like a motherfucker, it doubled ... tripled. Just before i realized what happened i found myself blown up into the stratosphere by the vast number of frag explosions.

Moments earlier :
Bored of EVE i decided to try out some action, my nationalism was low so i tried some Call of Duty , what better way to throw away that boredom, other than filling the enemy with led >:) I installed the game, configured it, and VOILA, i entered the realm of Modern Warfare. Unlike other games i know, Call of Duty decided to play some SPORE, and evolution managed to grab it and threw it out into the real world. Now we`re not fighting blue blooded nazies, now we`re fighting emo terrorists, and radioactive dogs, and rabid dogs, and radiation, and helicopters, and best of all, at some point you actually find and capture the emo leader, enjoy a nuke blowing up in your ass and even a few "stealth" moments.
Generally, this game is ok, somewhere above ok even. As i went through the single player i was mostly amazed, i was even enjoying the game, though there were some moments when i wanted to throw the fucking PC out the window. I never managed to figure out why all potential good games have big good bugs and glitches. For starters, i never figured out why the hell do i have to wait for a team mate to open up a door for me, sure sometimes that`s a good thing, but try to picture yourself near the fucking and the fucking objective point is after the fucking door. Not having an "open fucking door" button really sucks, i thought the dev team figured that out by now. One of the most possible reasons for not having the magical "open door" button may be the stick to the storyline idea, but let me say just this, if your team mates have a few path finding problems or need to be triggered by the player to do something, then the player is knee deep in an ocean of shit. In most of the team misions i found myself somewhere deep in the battlefield and my fucking team was near the start zone, probably because i rushed ahead, but let`s be real here, all was great but apparently, i skipped out on the storyline and the mission wouldn`t continue/door would not open unless a specific team member would be there open the door.
The singleplayer missions are the clasic ones : go there kill that/ protect something/ run like hell/run like hell after a nigger and capture him/ go there kill that, but this time using a sniper. Most of them are okay, but when i had to look for the emo leader in each and every house in a sad little village, it all seemed like a big fucking cliche. Of course the emo leader will be in the house surrounded by blades/blood/and guards, of course the other houses are a waste of time, and of course going straight for the house would be the fastest way in, but no, I had to check out each and every mother fucking house before i reached the one that really mattered. One thing kept bugging me though, throught the campaign you keep switching from one character to another, both fighting on the same side however but they have nothing to do one with each other, so why not just ask the player at the beginning the simple yet marvelous questions : On which side do you wanna be? PUNK! Another sad yet annoying part were the dog fights, this is just sad to be honest, out of all the battles all the possibilities, when a dog attacks it seems that the ocean of shittynes is being poured on me, they just had to add it, the worlds most fucked up moment in all action games, the one, the only, the "press X button NOT DO DIE", if you don`t press it, you die, if you press it too late or too soon, you die, le fuck.

Overall, the single player was quite ok, the soundtracks did their job high above ok, and the graphics are strong enough to make the player feel as if he is really participating in the blood bath.
The multiplayer however turned out be more than simple fun, for a few straight days i found myself addicted to it. The mods are pretty much standard, except for the hardcore, but the gameplay itself is simply fantastic. The more you kill the more xp you gather and from time to time you might actually level up, in military ranks, unlocking better and better weapons and some interesting perks, like bullet penetration, damage, grenade blast. The fights are usually fast, the ways to kill are fun and the potential drama is almost divine, the death cam exists ( after you die it shows the possition of your killer) and after a few straight kills (without dying) you can use the recon chopper to show your enemies on the radar, a useful tool indeed, but after even more straight kills you can actually call in an air strike to blow the motherfuckers sky high.
Best of all i loved the multiplayer maps, from cities to hangars and straight on the field, they were simply great, with plenty of potential sniper locations, best suited for various perks and let`s not forget, the potential drama.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Respect the superior race

SPORE, the one, the only, the evolutionary game. The game which can make you smile, make you laugh, and can even tuck you to bed.
A highly anticipated game, Spore started out just fine, great even with a few glitches however, but the game managed to overcome it`s not so nice parts with state of the art possibilities, the illusion of freedom, and a strong hunger for creativity. One of the things i liked most about Spore is that no matter how big or how ugly you are, there will always a creature stronger and another one weaker. Also there are three ways of going through the game : herbivore, carnivore or omnivore. The herbivore part clearly suggests a strong amount of "EMO-l33tness" having to go peaceful on just about every other species or you end up dead. As for the carnivore part, the game just gets easier, you kill everything, you eat their corpses for hit points, and all that stuff until you end up dominating the world. The omnivores tend to be more industrious, and unlike the others, they prefer to buy their opponents.
The game lets you start at the EMO stage, in a small or big pond on a selected planet, you appear. Small enough to eat and ugly enough to be avoided. The first stage of Spore can be compared to a PacMan game, meaning that the only thing you can do is eat shit and/or die.Trying to somewhat represent a "cell`s" life in the real world, but here, the more shit you eat the bigger you get, the bigger you get the more dangerous you are. The way you build your creature isn`t as important as it should be, because you can morph it into a dick, literary, and back at any time you want. Sure the number of legs, teeth, horns and other mutant parts are important, but where and how you place them simply does not matter.
After reaching a certain level, a brain spawns on your creature, somewhere where the head is supposed to be, congratulations, you reached the creature stage. In this stage things tend to be a little more complex, but sadly, they are not. There is only one rule : Only the strongest/richest survive. After the creature stage i climbed on a ladder and reached the conclusion that the fun just ended, and i mean it. Up to the creature stage you create the creature, after that, you dress it up. The tribal stage turns into a RTS, a bad RTS ofcourse, it is short and hardly worth playing. Few moments after and voila, i got to build my own city, fact which sounds good in theory but sucks ball in practice. Designing buildings and pleasuring my Penises, C`OMMON. Here, the goals is simple : kill/buy/convert other cities, in other words, become "the biggest, the best".
Despite the fact that i tried playing it on all possible methods: religious, economic, military; at the last stage it all ends up the same way, an RPG, a BAD rpg to be exact. While the first four stage are short and fun, the last stage involves a series of shitty missions, involving planet coloring, collecting EMO`s from all over the galaxy and blowing up would-be enemies.
It`s hard to believe though, this game promised a lot, but what it really did is quite simple, it put together 5 types of games and the result is clear : BULLSHIT. The fun stages are short and the fucked up ones are long and full of shit.

I guess i should say more about SPORE, more about the "Sporepedia", but when i think that the creator of spore made his money by creating girl-games like The Sims, I rather cut my tongue out. Who knows, maybe Will Wright only wanted to show the world that there`s a little Hitler in all of us.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The little engine that could

After months of brainless MMO`ing i finally got the guts to step up and play the game which was supposed to be the best of the best, the game which defined the new generation : Crysis

From the first day when i heard about Crysis i was simply stunned by it`s requirements, sure the game was promising some interesting stuff, like the so called freedom and some neat gameplay but all these just can`t be compared to the graphics. So i recently bought just about the best pieces of hardware money can handle and what better way to test it`s power but to install Crysis.
Starting the game i was somewhat impressed with it, the weapons were standardishly nice, the whole island was looking fantasticly good and with the abience, it almost seemed real. That ultil i started the mission. Let me just put it this way : all the graphics in the world cannot, just cannot compensate for the flaws in the gameplay and the AI, i`m not saying that the graphics aren`t fantastic, but let`s be real here. In order to take down an enemy lots of bullets are required, 2-3 shotgun shells to the head or a well placed grenade. But the strangest part is that you can actually go through the game, untill the part where you get out of the alien ship, only with your fists. As far as the enemies will go, i`ve lived to see two strange situations : at one point the emos were shooting at me from an impressive distance with damn good acuracy, in other situations the tards could land a bullet on me thanks to the gimp tree who kept me cover.
The game offers a short, yet interesting amount of weapons. For starters some are good some are useless and all of them can be modified with either a scope, flashlight laser pointer etc. The main character, "Nomad" can cary two weapons a few grenades and a potential RocketLauncher. The rockets will follow the pointer the grenades will prove useful, but the other ones, they just run out of bullets too fast.

Next to the graphics this game was supposed to show off it`s "freedom". Though such things are always limited, the player must do some quests ( go there, kill that, come here, blow me, and stuff like that), and the only "freedom" existing is represented by the vast ways to accomplish a mission. From charging in to stealth or by simply running. Let me just say that the game promised more, a lot more.
Another interesting thing in this game is the nano-suit. Crytek gets a nice piece of candy for this one. Other shooters have power-ups usable only when picked up or when some fanatic score is achieved, Crysis however puts the suit on you, and the only thing you have to do is to switch from one power-up to the other. Fantasticly when the player uses a power-up the suits power is drained, but no problem here you easy mode player fucks, the suits energy is restored at a high rate.
Sadly i expected more from Crysis, a lot more, tons more even. After finishing the game and going through that /fail ending this is the conclusion : Crysis = ultra pro graphics + imba nanosuit + idiotic AI + EMO enemies + mediocre weapons + a shit for a storyline.
Crysis isn`t the game it suposed to be, it`s below average. Worth giving it a try but, like is said before, all the graphics in the world cannot compensate for the flaws in the game.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Games VS Movies : Postal

Postal, the game which inspires carnage, tons of blood, big guns, strange guns, and lots of ways to kill an emo. I guess that the best way to describe this game is: FUN.

Recently I saw the Postal movie, just like the game, is great. From the beginning to the end I laughed my guts out as I watched the postal dude spread funny lines from left to the right, as he was put in many great situations and mostly, the way he managed to handle them all.

The movie starts in one of the funniest, yet controversial, possible ways ever, a joke about 9/11, as how the whole stuff wasn`t the way it supposed to be. Shortly after the great intro I saw the main character of the movie just like in the game, and trust me on this one, there was no one better for this role, there are only a handful of actors I know, who have this lovely effect on you, when I saw Zack Ward, I instantly realized one thing: he`s going to rape or kill one or many emo`s.

Starting in front of his trailer house in Paradise City, listening to the crap his fat bitch of a wife had to say, and only after a few seconds, how he finds out about the fucking she does when the dude isn`t home.

Generally this movie is like a roller coaster, it has as many superb parts as it has stupid and boring ones. For some strange reasons, probably the power of Hollywood, in this movie I saw one of the most useless characters in a movie: “the good looking secondary character, the bitch, the cool looking coffee seller girl”. Sure the movie added tons of hot babes, but why did this one had to appear as if she`s the postal dude`s girlfriend or something. Sure the movie had the classical emo killing, hippie raping, and best of all: A few explosions involving the number one fans of Allah. Sure the movie added the cat-pistol, or, how I like to call it, the headshot through a cat`s ass.

After an hour of watching the shower of blood, and the gut flow this movie had to offer, it ended with absolutely the greatest fucking line in the history of man kind as we know it, and with the dream of the masses coming true : The explosion of the wife, and the epic line : I regret nothing!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Work and Gaming

In order to survive and/or play on`line games i need money, in order to get money i need to work. But i`m a gamer, gaming is like work for me, so how to combine the two ? The answer is simple : gaming at work or playing web fucking text based games.
It all started with the "need" to play, the need got stronger ... and stronger ... and the no games at work policy started to mean nothing to me. Beginning with shitty games like and www., games which needed me to be on`line in somewhat crucial times, and i went on to flash games, long live miniclip.

I intend on saving some time simply by not throwing shit on the well deserving already filled with shit web games, and simply move on the games which can be played at work and deserve to be played.
Clearly the most played game at work is ... the one ... the only : Solitaire. Let`s just face it, solitaire was made to be played at work : it`s the ideal game if you need time to fly, the game which can offer a shitty challenge ... not a great one ... or a worthy one .. but still .. a challenge.
The other Windows games are playable, but they didn`t really manage to get the job done, sure Minesweeper is ok but its as interesting as hugging trees.
An interesting game worthy of playing at work is Transport Tycoon Deluxe. Easy to find and free to download. This game saved me from total boredom lots of times, sure it`s old and doesn`t look too good, but, just like other tycoons, makes time fly away. Hehe .. nothing like a good windowed game to end the working shifts.
Depending on the working place ... i actually played some arcade games in the office, nothing beats Tyrian while waiting for those mails :>

For the moment, at this I`Cafe where i waste my time and make money ... i can play just about any game, for the moment sticking to WoW and Lineage2.

Above all, when i get tired of just about anything and there`s way too much work to do I simply start a nice flash Tower Defense :

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Free to Play

While i was gaming the other day, sent me this interesting news about a new, chinese free-to-play MMORPG (or at least i think it's chinese). Wow, how fascinating. The game will have the utterly stupid name of Secret Online, and will feature... a lot of stuff. Now keep in mind that if there's something i hate in gaming, it's free to play MMOs. Compared to their pay to play brothers, f2p's are known to have an incredible lack of depth, story or mostly anything else that can call them games. They are basically moneymakers for the respective companies which feed on the players' need for social interaction. And i will attempt to prove that using quotes from the upcoming "game"'s feature notes.

Satisfaction from PK
-Both great visuals and feels very smooth/fast paced.

Are they serious? Alright, this is new. Finally a game that embraces ganking and griefing as something you should take "satisfaction" from. So i won't only be frequently disturbed from my levelling session, but it'll be done with nice shiny effects too. And it'll be fast.
Enhanced battle system

-Every class has their own special battle system; you will explore new strategies and tricks to use your character to its max abilities.

Wooooo. So you're telling me that there's DIVERSITY in this game? Who would have thought. Then again, i wouldn't be surprised if this game had only 3 classes.

Players can get thousands of different kinds of crafting materials from almost anything they do, kill Monsters, questing, gathering etc and able to craft different types of equipments at special NPCs. Players can produce everything for the game economy and use formulas to select bonus attributes according to their character’s class, which there are endless different results.
Here's another thing that i truely hate. I don't seriously know why every producer thinks we LIKE hoarding every little useless piece of string we find thinking that we might need it at a later time. I sure don't. That "thousands" translates only into "you better get a large inventory son".

Use materials to craft your own transformation scrolls,you can transform to any monster in the game! And there is no “the best form”, only the better!
"Only the better"? Rock/scissors/paper, you mean? Cooooooool. Not. There goes the attachment to your class if everyone can transform into a fucking mob. And it'll make PK feel more like PVE too.

Some of players’ actions can influence the game world’s history. Player’s heroic actions will be recorded down in history books of the world. Real world's 1 minute equals 4 minutes in world of secret Online. The ratio is 1 to 4. According to difference date, they are different festival & special quests. Ex: Every January and June in Secret Calendar will hold Mountain God worship events at Stream village; Every February and March in Secret Calendar, will hold festivals at Norfolk.) Also, the first time player’s character is created on the server will be recognized as character’s birthday. There will be special rewards given at each birthday.
The birthday part is interesting, i'll give it that. The rest is nothing new. The "history book" thing is just an attempt to log events someone does and integrate it into the lore.

River of history cannot be stopped, which shall always move forward
'the fuck? Get better translators, you chinese pieces of shit.

Infinite Randomly generated quests for our quest lovers!
Yeeey! Another thing i hate: quests without a story. Quests without a plot, quests without a real reason. Quests without a soul. wants you to go to and kill for . Do this and he will reward you and possibly . And they call them "quests". Let's get something clear, ok? Stop calling these things QUESTS. Call them CHORES because that's what they are.

Secret Online has a market economy system that’s similar to real life economies. Most of the prices of its items can go up-and-down in relation to supply and demand. The prices that gamers see in different stores are only prices of these stores, not universal. To better emulate the real market system, Secret Online’s dynamic economy is fluid, meaning that item prices fluctuate from store to store and even from day to day based on supply.
Such big words for just some dynamic store prices. FYI, MMORPG economy will always mimic real life economy. Player-made economy, that is. Only thing is that in this game, the items which are needed by many players will be EXPENSIVE AS SHIT unless the server's mostly empty.

Different zones in Secret Online are connected together without needing to load every time entering a new zone. Every zone has its own different background story. Don’t be fooled by their beauties, when danger is always just around the corner. Be on your constant guard bla bla bla bla bla bla
This is both new and interesting. (get the sarcasm?)

Secret Online has it’s own unique Newspaper system; everyday the system will integrate any events or news created by players into a newspaper! There is also information sections that players can post advertisements, seek friends, seek marriage and more!
"TOP NEWS! Legolass2k has killed the Hairy Goblin of Big Dark Swamp while being ganked by Gimlypwnzor!" And as if real life wasn't bad enough, we now have matrimonial services in MMOs. Jesus.

Unique Instance Dungeon
Uh-oh. Here it comes: the exciting new features of the new "unique" instance dungeons.

Fun and challenging Instance Dungeons
Propaganda!? I expected something more unique-ish than "iz unique because iz nice".

It’s not just about killing monsters
This is both new and interesting. Somehow, i think it's just propaganda again. They probably meant "iz not about kill monster, iz about explore and look at pretty sight too".

It belongs to you and your friends
How romantic and intimate! You can be fucking sure that we'll be holding hands while we eviscerate goblins and shit. Seriously, this makes me laugh... treating an in-game location as something intimate isn't something a sane man would do. Then again, they're chinese, and they're up there with the japanese in the "weird shit" category.

"Secrets Online" is a new 3D MMORPG building upon the rich and vast history of ancient hegemonic China.

Drawn from the timeless dispute between the evil dynasty of the Yellow Emperor, Shen Mo, and the heroic Chiyou, our story shows the people rising to battle ancient demons and devils, as the powers of heaven and hell clash. bla bla bla

Oh boy. Another MMO focusing on the rough and forgotten history of emperor Chu Hors Wang and his empress Mi Sutcha Ho of the Yu Fat Fok dynasty which has briefly existed a bajillion years ago during the year of the Farting Dragon, on the third moon of the shintzu era. Or something. In other words, a long boring filler story that no one will give a shit about since it only focuses on the mighty whatshisface's family affairs or somesuch.

Alright, i'll stop here. And i promise that this is the last time i'll pick on cheap pieces of chinese shit. I think.

EDIT: oh, and here's some concept art too.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Boredom: Neverwinter Nights 2

I should have taken up NWN2 a lot of time ago, but that didn't happen since i was saving the game for my "escape" route: when boredom becomes too bad, turn back to the only game (or so i thought) that could present any more interest for me: a D&D game.
I'm going to be brief, since Devil already made a (brief) review for it in the first gaming post of this blog.
Basically, it was a disappointment. I started the game hoping to try my all-favourite D&D class (sorcerer). Alright, so they took Time Stop, my favourite spell, from the game. So they nerfed the sorc class to kingdom come for "balance" reasons while buffing the wizard class a whole lot. Who cares... it's still sorc, right? Well...
Apart from being full of glitches, the game is outright... boring. I stood the usual 3+ hours at the character creation screen only to be met with crappy animations, bad voice-acting, same casting incantations as the old NWN1, crappy character control (even though it was customizable), all those useless items and professions that you hoped would just go away in the second of NWN's expansions (talking about craft alchemy, weapon and all that nonsense... basically just "please hoard lots of junk") and the all-new party system which is as stupid as it gets. Want to control your character while letting the others' AIs do their job? Well i hope your character isn't a spellcaster since you'll almost always step in front of your party making you the first char that every mob you see, attacks. I even had the stupid situations of running around with 2 mobs on my tail while the stupid dwarf tank was taking his time killing the third. Obviously, stopping to cast would mean half of my hit points go bye-bye. Which is the reason i took invisibility as fast as i got it... making the game even more boring as i had to cast it before and after every fight. Joy.
Then there's the melee-to-spell ratio which is awfully fucked up, at least at the lower levels: my magic missle can do a whopping 5 damage, while the stupid dwarf with the stupid sword scores regular 21-damage hits. I need to get into almost melee range to cast color spray, i am weak and useless in melee, while the stupid dwarf can tank 3 enemies with no fucking problems whatsoever. Not to mention that he tends to score 1hitkills on all of them before i'm done casting my crappy missle (yes, all of them... great cleave and all that).
The story has potential, but it's kinda ruined by the stupid voice-acting (meh, not like NWN1 was any better) and the dumb, dumb AI of your team-mates which kinda likes to lag a lot.
All in all, i'm going to give this game one final try and then move on. The Witcher, perhaps? Or maybe Thief 3... wow, that sounds boring when i even think about it.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Gaming Masterpieces: Half-life

Half-life. The name should be enough to spark a certain feeling in your mind. If it isn't, then you are not a gamer. Half-life: you should know it without me telling you that it's one of the better first-person shooters that has ever hit the market.
Whenever i think of Half-life, i can't really think of anything that was bad about it, or that i didn't like about it. Not to say that the game didn't have SOME flaws, just that everything it stands for tends to dim that to the point that they're not recognisable anymore.
At first glance, Half-life was just a normal FPS with some guy who shoots aliens and soldiers. But there's something about it... something in the way it's done that says "you're here" in a way that no other shooter can, because it heavily exploits the features based on human emotions: the feeling and setting. Until now, no other game has managed to get me so intrigued in the exploration of a top-secret science facility which destroys itself as you go deeper and deeper down its dark corridors. The feeling is amplified by the way the story is told, i.e. only through the eyes of the main character, which is given a name but not a face: Gordon Freeman. You know how he looks like through the loading screen and the game box's cover, but there is a lack of mirrors or mirror-like surfaces in this game, and we never see the game from any point of view other than Freeman's eyes. There are no cutscenes, and the intro and outro consist of trips seen in real-time through Freeman's eyes. This gives the game a measure of integration, in that you become Freeman, and whatever happens to him has a greater impact upon you than when, say, the guy in Quake died or something. Even though people talk to you, Freeman never says a word, which in Half-life 2 is exploited further by making people feel uncomfortable when they, for example, make a joke and you don't laugh.
The thing that sets you apart from the local NPCs and also the thing that tries to explain why you are able to kill 43753874 monsters without dying (if you've read my Crysis review, you'd know i consider that kind of explanation something that every FPS should have) is the HEV suit, an enviroment suit which protects you from damage received (i.e. your "armor") and offers you an interface with which you can monitor your health, ammo and so forth. You take it for experimental purposes, and you end up keeping it.
Marked with a degree of guilt from the fact that it was you who started the alien invasion of the Black Mesa Research Facility (you are lead through a series of events at the start in which you need to push a crystal inside a beam, starting a "resonance cascade" which rips apart the fabrics of dimension and invites aliens into our world), you are encouraged to explore, survive and fight your way through many diverse, interesting and challenging levels. The story also deviates, special ops marines start to appear and contrary to the belief that they're there to rescue you, start shooting everyone, including the scientists. You are taken prisoner and left to die, you escape and have to fight your way to the facility's Lambda Complex in which the scientists are devising a solution for the current situation. There are no objectives, the game doesn't feature much interface other than your normal suit's health, ammo, armor, light gauges and weapon icons, this is only what the scientists you find along the way tell you. At the Lambda Complex, you are teleported to an alien world called Xen, on which you will eventually finish the game, by killing a huge ugly... thing. This is the point when you are faced with another of the game's original elements: the G-man. The game is made to make you think that this man is always following and observing you, always appearing on a ledge, platform or level which you cannot reach (and usually cannot shoot), and as soon as you look at him, he casually and enigmatically strolls off. G-man stands for government man, because of the fact that he wears an office suit and always carries a briefcase with him. He finally faces you at the end, when you can see that he is indeed powerful, as you are without weapons and cannot do anything to harm him. He talks to you and congratulates you, saying that certain... people (although the term "people" is not used) have taken interest in your abilities, and offers you "further employment". Meanwhile, you and him are teleported through several alien scenes, ending with the tram that you rode in the intro, but that now seems to be flying through space. At the end, you can accept the G-man's proposal and exit the tram (the door opens and a teleporter light appears), or wait until the door closes, at which point you will be teleported in front of a huge army of aliens, the screen will darken and Freeman will be presumed dead. Note that Half-life 2 is designed with the first ending in mind.
Going back to the feeling, i mentioned that this game has no cutscenes. That would usually make a game dull and boring, but Half-life succeedes to become an exception to this through its wide use of scripted events. Laboratory equipment that explodes in your face, trams that explode with you in them halfway to your destination point, taking you somewhere else entirely, ambushes set up by the millitary, alien monsters knocking doors apart, all of these take the place of cutscenes, and all of them are happening in real-time, with you having not just a front-row seat, but a role in them as well. The puzzles are easy enough to not be an inconvenience and hard enough to matter. All in all, Half-life is one of the games that shouldn't be missing from a gamer's repertoire.
Following the great success of Half-life, 2 expansion packs were released: Opposing Force and Blue Shift. The former takes place through the eyes of a millitary soldier named Adrian Shepard, which appears to talk (by how the drill instructor is talking to you in boot camp), but we can't really hear what he's saying. The one thing Shepard and Freeman have in common is that they're followed around by the same man in an office suit. The ending of Opposing Force takes you face-to-face with the G-man again, and you can now see the full conclusion of the Black Mesa incident: the whole facility is nuked and wiped from the face of the world. After which, the G-man takes you into custody again. Shepard has yet to make an appearance in any of the Half-life sequels.
Blue Shift is a short expansion featuring the lab security guard Barney Calhoun, and is the only one of the Half-Life games featuring a happy ending. Barney never goes to Xen and never uses alien weapons, but sets things in motion for Half-life's sequel (such as the teleporting sequence), eventually escaping Black Mesa with a group of scientists.
The expansions didn't have the same success that Half-life originally did, but are considered worthy descendants nonetheless.
In conclusion, as long as i remain a gamer, Half-life will always have a special place in my heart as an example for how future games should be. A masterpiece in itself.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Unreal Tournament 3

Once upon a time there was a nifty little game called Quake 2 with a nifty little map called The Edge. Its single-player campaign was good enough, but what made the game REALLY sweet was this single map played on multiplayer deathmatch mode. Producers took note of it and adopted the ever-profitable marketing strategy of "hey, let's milk the cow!". This is how Quake 3 Arena and Unreal Tournament were born, and soon became unstoppable engines of fandom and finger-cramps for the thousands of insane gamers everywhere. The former had a rather short carreer (featuring only one expansion) before returning to the mode that made it popular (aka single-player), but the former, which also featured a different name (adding "Tournament" meant they could make sequels to it AND the original game without them overlapping) flourished and produced many (more or less retarded) offspring: Starting with Unreal Tournament 1 (which we will call "Unreal Tournament" from now on because i'm too lazy to add the 1), then Unreal Tournament 2003, 2004, and then jumping 2001 sequels down to 3.
You'd think giving it a more distinguishable name than Unreal Tournament 2007 would mean that it attempts to bring something entirely new and different to the scene, but other than "the usual", there doesnt' really seem to be something entirely GAME-BREAKING about it.
Let me elaborate on that. The game starts with an annoying "please insert username/password for online play" prompt instead of the normal main menu. I didn't really want to experience online play right now so i just clicked "play offline". Once you get into the main menu, you find that it has been drastically cut down. The plethora of multiple options in UT is no longer here, and it pains me like a piece of paper stuck in my ass to find that the options menu was toned down like this. No more UI color/icon customisation, for one. The game just chooses for you based on the team you're on, and i still can't stop myself from wondering why they would make the game more retarded like this. It just doesn't make sense. And while i'm at it, i also noted that there is no option for disabling the stupid jump-strafe that occurs when you press the same movement key twice in a row. I never liked that option, in fact i hated it with a passion since it hindered my playstyle, so thumbs down for the idiot who considered that it should be always enabled.
Moving past the bastardized options screen, the game still has a single-player campaign which can be played and hopefully completed. Hopefully, because after working to progress in this game for half a day, after taking a break i found that the game didn't save my progress at all when i got back to it. So it was either start the game anew and try to finish it in less than a day, or "fuck you, UT3". I chose the latter. Still, i feel like i got enough out of the campaign to form an oppinion, which is: don't play it unless you team up with a few friends and finish the campaign in online-mode. Seriously, the AI in this game is so idiotic that you shouldn't even bother. Your team-mates might do well in team deathmatch mode, but when made to do more complex actions (such as think instead of shoot), they become some of the worst liabilities this side of the Second World War. So stupid in fact that in a certain mission i actually competed against THEM for who gets the base-capturing powerup first, since if they got it, they would go kamikaze on the other team with it and die, leaving the powerup lying helplessly on the ground where it would eventually blow up. The game would have been easier if i could tell them what to do like in the former Unreal Tournaments, but the producers decided to follow the bastardizing habit and tone THIS down too. The command menu is now limited to about 5 orders that you can't even direct to one teammember at a time. And even with those, i didn't notice any bloody difference either. The idiots were STILL getting themselves killed, still taking their sweet time to defend a point that didn't need defending and still jamming our Leviathan in narrow pathways, while the enemy was coming in an endless line of endlessly respawning endless ugly alien zerg. Endless.
I guess i could bash the AI some more, but i'll move on and talk about the graphics instead. The game is as gorgeous as it is shiny, and features some of the most impressive sights i've ever seen in a game. It's no Crysis, but the grapihcs tend to concentrate more on fantasy than realism so who cares. Still, all the shaders and stuff make the background blend in with the characters to some extent, and it's pretty difficult to see them with an untrained eye, while the AI with its telescopic X-ray vision can see you from the other corner of the map through a fly-sized hole.
The difficulty has also been tuned up, as i could previously easily attain the rank of "unstoppable" or even "godlike" while playing with bots at the "skilled" level, right now i can't even maintain a killing spree for 5 seconds without getting my brain splattered by some precisely-aimed expertly-timed Shock Rifle combo. This is made even more difficult by the (seemingly) lack of health items on the map. And speaking of maps, i really wanted at least some re-makes of the old maps that made Unreal Tournament what it is today, and i was pretty disappointed when i found nothing like them. I guess constantly re-making old maps is a 2-sided coin for the producers, but they could have at least re-made Morpheus... that was my favorite, damnit.
As for the gameplay, well the Assault mode is gone (and the nice, sophisticated maps are gone with it) and the power struggle mode is now replaced by "Warfare", which is basically the same (build and control key points to make a link to the enemy base, rendering it vulnerable) but with one major element thrown in: orbs. An orb is the powerup i mentioned earlier, it spawns at your base (you get a new one everytime the old one is gone) or at the last key point you control that features an orb respawner, you get it like you get a flag, it behaves like a flag(meaning you can't drive vehicles around with it), and it instantly captures (and heals) enemy checkpoints for you, or if you take it to a checkpoint it will make it invulnerable until you go away or it explodes. If you die, it falls on the ground and explodes in 13 seconds (more or less) during which you can pick it up again. If it's an enemy orb, you can "use" it and it will explode, often killing you in the process. Warfare maps usually have vehicles (if not exclusively), and there's a thing about vehicle maps which pisses me off to no end: say you're walking down the street, happy that you just got your hands on a shield belt + rocket launcher combo, when suddenly, SPLAT. You get run over by a Manta, a Goliath cans your ass, or your face gets melted by a hellbender shock-rifle-combo. It's frustrating, and it makes the game outside of a vehicle feel like you're a lone infantryman in Command&Conquer. Dead meat, that is. Killing vehicles is damn hard if you don't have the anti-vehicle gun (called Avril here), and even with that, some vehicles are so heavily armored that you only scratch them. There's also a hoverboard which replaces the translocator in vehicle missions, but if someone so much as touches you while you're on it, you go down rolling (also losing any orb or flag you had).
Story-wise, the game finally tries to incorporate a complex story into the mechanics of a multiplayer arena-type game. Basically, you and your elite (ahem) squad are a bunch of guys who are really pissed off at the world because they got owned by some aliens whose leader is a female human. Because they're so pissed off, they enrolled into the mercenary corps to try to earn some cash and fame. This is where the "oh wait, you're kidding" part starts: apparently there's some new tech in town, and all over the battlefield there's that thar respawners that everyone's been so a-hooked on back in thar Tournament thingy. And cuz the enemy's a-respawnin everywher' you gots ta kill'em till they stop. That don't explain why the battlefield's the size of an arena, why you simply can't walk past certain points but who cares 'bout that detail mumbo-jumbo.
Seriously, with all its flaws and dumbness, this is still Unreal Tournament, the game that has made itself a brand. And whenever you see that brand, you know that you're gonna have some pure quality fun. So take it. Play it. Hell, it's Unreal Tournament.
PS: forgot to mention, Malcom's making an appearance too.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

A Gaming Life part 2 - Shade's point of view

I felt like writing my own type of "gaming styles" post since i disagree with Devil on some points and wanted to bring this topic to a different, more psychological light.
First off, what Devil names "gaming styles" are actually different types of attitudes taken when gaming. We stop having common thoughts about this at this point: i feel like there are many more and much more complex personalities out there than you observe at first sight. Stereotyping them is not something i'm too inclined to do, as you'll always see one person which doesn't fit into any "class", so to speak - but not classifying them would make one ignorant of the fact that there actually are types of people out there with similar minds. But the internet has much more complexity, even in the more retarded people, than just noobs and... emos, the latter i feel being only a term for Devil to have something else to hate. In truth, emo people are probably too preoccupied with cutting their wrists to sit around and play games.
Instead, i'll just put all the good and bad people together, eliminate those 2 terms and judge them only by the way they act while playing or surfing the internet, starting with the worst. Just remember that except for some labels, these people might actually be bearable or sociable IRL.
1) Scum - not a researched or approved term, i just felt like naming them that. These people are your usual scammers, griefers and con artists of the internet - people you do NOT want to be with no matter who you are (unless you're in league with them), people who cannot be trusted, who profit most from the annonimity of the internet and who make lying their second job. The moral explanation behind this type of action is most usually "the internet is just pixels and pictures, it's not real life, and doing wrong stuff on the internet doesn't mean it's wrong irl as well. And people shouldn't feel bad because they don't lose anything but pixels". Unfounded and misguided of course, since we all know there is another type of value that you put into your account or character - sentimental value, and it carries as much weight as any type of money - at least to some people. Some types of "scum" will use net or game tranzactions for real money, and some will even steal irl money via the net - these have virtually no excuses, or ones that are so shallow that even they don't believe them. But they keep lying to themselves, always ignorant. I've seen and dealt with many of these in my life, and they are about the only people who i'd beat to almost death IRL if i saw them on the street. The world is better without them.
Scum are the opposite of the tragic no-lifer class: they cut off any emotional ties they would have to the game or the net and view it as a way to get richer, and it's ok if they do it off other people's backs - who cares, they're annonymous.
Some scum get their pleasure out of ruining others' playstyle, buying chars that they didn't make themselves for real money and using the superior gear to kill people who are inferior to them in every aspect, or griefing and generally causing havoc to bolster their own ego and pride.
2) Retards - about in the same pit with scum, but these are a bit more morally understandable. That doesn't mean they're likable though. To be honest, i really don't think that they are actual retards - they just behave like them. You'll know them when you see one: whenever you see a comment posted on youtube that leaves you saying "why did you have to post that!?", whenever you see someone use their class with so much lack of skill that they butcher and destroy all it stands for, whenever you try to teach someone something and they don't listen, doing the same idiotic thing over and over with no apparent care for the group's well-being (and thus, their own), having an interest in discussion but never saying or doing anything smart, acting like kids... and the examples could go on. God knows the internet is full of them, and they usually borrow traits from the other types resulting in even more frustration (especially when they decide to act like scum). It's good that you don't always have to deal with them, but sometimes there are situations in which you don't have a choice.
Seeing them irl would make me slap them in the face and restrict their access to the internet. It is not for them.
3) Clueless people - these are usually the type of people who always act like they know everything and judge others rashly with a huge lack of facts. Most noobs fit in this cathegory, in fact noobs are just a combination of clueless and retarded - but not all clueless people are retarded, indeed some are well-spoken and well-taught. Yet this type of personality implies that they always jump to the wrong conclusions with the smallest amount of facts. Examples of these would be people on an internet forum who instantly consider you a retard because you made a simple typo, or people in-game who will quit because they lost... once. Or because someone told them that you usually lose in that type of event unless you're affiliated with a certain faction, and they aren't.
4) Tragic no-lifers - the type of people who put a lot of feeling and soul in playing a game, and will lash out emotionally at the weakest sign of something going wrong. I dislike these people a lot, because they tend not to see the difference between feeling sad that you lost a match and constantly sulking for the rest of the day because of it. In-game death is a tragedy to these people, and loss of an in-game item will almost always attract rivers of tears and whines. The "no-lifer" type comes from the fact that they seem to put more soul in this game than they do in real life, thus exchanging their priorities, thus making them lose focus with the real world.
5) Usual no-lifers - this type encompasses a lot of other sub-types, such as the hardcore gamer, the friendless fatso or the high-school geek. Overall, they are not at all a bad type - on the internet, you can form lasting friendships with them as long as you share a common goal. You can profit from their addiction by using them to group together, for instance. This group is offset however by the fact that, alongside the retarded people, is the most criticised group on the internet - criticised often by retards themselves, but also by social people who seem to view the fact that these people have little to no friends as a sign of weakness and wrongness. But not all of them are lacking friends, their biggest problem (to others) is that they spend too much time in-game. I would probably fit the closest in this category, even tough i have friends and my time is pretty short right now - still, i'd love to be a no-lifer again someday, playing 20 hours out of 24 and not giving a damn about anyone. Might be dangerous to my health, but hell, all drugs are if you look at it from that point of view.
6) Loners - you may find one of these people here and there in the gaming scene. They're rare, but an awesome sight if you catch one. This group represents the people who spring forth from time to time, having excellent progress and great skill, knowing every in and out of their class and having accomplished more than casual gamers could ever dream of, at the same time being so obscure that no one heard of them. Like i said, they are rare, and usually no-lifers - but they deserve respect for getting where they are without asking for help, without whining, doing things on their own terms, without giving a damn about what everyone says or does.
7) Socials - people who join the online gaming scene for two things: other people, and CHAT. They LOVE to chat, though the chatter types are usually girls, and can often seen quitting the game for the sole reason that their friends also quit, or they don't have anyone to play with anymore. They desire the companionship of another human and will always act on a group consciousness, following, taking examples and sometimes leading their like-minded friends. Beware though, some of them might also be retards or scum, and usually when these types of people are present, scandals and real-life threats happen. Yet the best fact about socials is that this is perhaps the group with the widest range of personalities, all socials borrowing traits from all other groups.
8) Leaders - actually a mix of loners and socials, these are the people who are born to lead, and use their gaming experience to gain the upper hand. Leaders will be found bearing the burden of their clan/guild, coordonating others, giving advice to newbies and being the best of their class while the others are still struggling to understand it (this can happen when an MMO is in its early stages). The will of a loner, and the popularity of a social - but not all of them may have clean or just principles.
That would be about all the groups i can think of. Please note however that the complexity of a human mind is so great that no person can possibly be of only one group (with the possible exception of scum). We are a mix of either 2, more, or all of them. This is the factor that gives us diversity as human beings.

Monday, March 3, 2008

A Gaming Life - part 2

We are all gamers, we all use the mouse and keyboard or joystick with a more or less efficiency calculated by other gamers and named skill. While we all may seem to "pwn" and "own" in probably the same games but we do it differently. Let`s take an example : I pwn my way, like nothing you`ve ever seen before, a random "spook" player will try to pwn his way, probably copying another emo.
I`m typing this post only because gamers have the one thing few people seem to notice : a gaming style. Sure everyone does what`s expected from his or her class, and a class will most likely have the same skills no matter the player, but it`s the way the player uses them that counts.
Lately, the noobish style has reached critical numbers. Don`t get this the wrong way, there`s a damn big difference between noobs and newbies, newbies can be helped, noobs however deserve to feel the ownage on their own skin. Noobs can be found in every single game which involves two or more real players, from shooters to MMOs and even forums. Noobs have taken stupidity to the next level, known for their over powered ability to "whine" just about everything and for the second power called "bragging", if a noob manages to do something right thanks to sheer luck i can bet my sweet emo neighbors depression that at least one gaming community will hear about that noobs luck, as he will most probably call it : skill. A noob is as impressive as he is annoying, impressive is a weak word if i think about it harder, amazing would be more proper because of the massive amount of shit which can come out of a noobs mouth. Without a second thought a noob can send any gamer to the edges of sanity and back only by "whining", he will always have something or someone to blame if he looses, for example : lagging/ the mouse isn`t working/ mom dropped in/ was afk / brain-freeze/ random pc problem/ imaginary girl friend came over for a blow job/ forgot to equip important random item. But if by any chance the noob wins something, it will be something like this : HAHAHAHA / YOU SUCkZ0RZ/ I`M L33t u`r nabz / ALL Y0ur ba53 ar3 b310ng to us/ etc/ etc. Expecting something good from a noob is like expecting a dead cow to give milk, if you ever encounter one just ignore him and hope he`ll go away. As they tend to migrate from game to game the noob problem will most likely never end (unless you`re a good friend with the local gms, but that`s another story).
Sadly, most of the noobs cannot realize that they are noobs, not even if an entire gaming community tells them that, therefore they will never figure out the fact that they suck because of their gaming style and will always blame it on others rather than blaming themselves, thus, never fixing the problem. Here are a few examples of the most common noobs:
-the Counter Strike idiot who will flashbang his comrades in a premature attempt to draw attention upon his "l33tness"
-the same Counter Strike motherfucker who will jump in the way of your bullets to steal your frag, getting his self, and you, killed.
-the random RTS idiot who will start mining YOUR resources because his mines (who produce just as much as yours) aren`t enough.
-the random MMO dickhead who will start masturbating the moment a good looking elf/night elf / dark elf character will join your party and who will lure the party to insanity in an attempt to hitch the gay dumbass with the sexy char.
-the fucking idiot who will nuke your base in order to save it ------ LE FUCK !!!
-the idiot who will ... ahhh forget it ... this list can go on until the heavens divide.

I guess thats enough hate typed down about the noobs and it`s just about time i started thinking emo, emo style to be precise, but still it`s hard for me to put the words idiot and style together .. pardon .. emo and style, i`ll get this over with one way or the other. Unlike noobs who only pretend to know what they are doing the emos have a vague clue about whats going on. For instance: he has the fully loaded shotgun in his hand, the enemy is at point-blank range, but still, the emo cannot comprehend the idea of clicking the mouse button in order to eliminate a potential threat, therefore the emo will farm .... the emo will grow ... the emo will do 30% of what he should do ... the emo will remain an emo only because in the gaming world a nice ANTI IDIOT BARRIER has appeared. This barrier is like air, you can`t see it but it`s there, making emos freeze or to simply fail if they try to do something casual for anyone else. For example in a juicy pvp match in a random mmo the emo will clearly loose thanks to a fucking big number of idiotic excuses like : i couldn`t target him/ i can`t kill him because he`s a good dude and he helps people or the classical : i`m too emo to figure out which skill to use against him.
The funny thing about emos is when the die or get pkd by not-so-emo rational players, the emos actually whine about how hard it was for them to get to the place where he got pkd, or about the XP or rank lost.
What can i say ? What could anyone say ? If being and idiot is a way of life for some people so be it ... i can only wish them to live forever !

I just can`t add noobs, emos and good or pro player styles in the same post. Part 3 will soon be posted.
Here`s a nice video about noobs/emos and wannabe PROs:

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Games VS Movies

Time for another Games VS Movies post. So far I`ve seen bad movies made after good games, this time, the movies have not yet appeared but they are made after really good games.
The first movie is none other than Far Cry, inspired by the island shooter with the same name, the first Island first person shooter which, back when it appeared, had tons of system requirements, at least we won`t need too many graphics cards to see the movie. Trailer impressions : poor action movie. What can i say ? Another would-be hero named Jack (Who the fuck is Til Schweiger anyway ?) trying to save the day fighting would-be bad guys with bullet magnets in their pockets. I guess making a good movie asfter a game is just as hard as trying to get an emo to tell jokes. I guess we`ll see this movie sometime this year, after summer no doubt.

Another announced movie makes its way to today`s post: the one, the only World of Warcraft. A movie after the most played MMO so far, a big name indeed. The only thing i know for sure about this one is that it`s announced for 2009. The movie is supposed to be about the World before the MMO launched. Excuse but last time i checked humans and orcs were somewhat communicating and all the living races joined forces to beat off the not so living, and now, in the World we can see boneheads in Ogrimmar, allied with Blood Elves. So many twists and turns which need explaining. I guess emos can really tell jokes, sad jokes, but still, jokes.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A Gaming Life - part 1

Weeks back while i was brainstorming, and while my attention was pointed in all the wrong directions ( i was at work ), a juicy idea spawned in my thoughts making me yell : LE FUCK !!!

A gaming life, my gaming life. It`s been some time now, since i wanted to do a post like this. This is less of a review about a particular game and more of a review about most of the games i ever played, more precise, about the sweet, yet banal factor in all games, the one factor i love the most : the enemies/monsters/AI. Though storylines/graphics/gameplay and other elements are important, i always liked a "challenge".

The classical way to start a "menu"-like post about mobs would be something about the most common emo`s in most games : humans.
The best way to describe the humans (and a few other RPG races ) would be something like this : Humans are versatile, yet incompetent. This average and unremarkable race can choose any job, which it will always perform in a halfassed way. This race is a perfect choice for new players and people in a hurry. Humans can pick any job but they excel as warriors, mobsters, farmers and estate agents. A good definition indeed but yet, incomplete. After generating an image about the complete gaming world one can safely say that humans can be found in most of the games doing most of the shit and still sucking at it - from miners, farmers to sharpshooters, snipers and demolition experts. Humans are remarkable ... but only when it comes to dying: they can be hacked, slashed, shocked, vaporised, shot, kicked in the balls/head, blown up, thrown of high places, poisoned, frozen, burned, pissed on, squashed, smashed, ran over, polymorphed into shit, sent into bizarre parallel emo worlds, etc, etc. The list goes on forever but still, when killing a human, I actually have FUN, therefore killing people is fun. If it`s either Postal, Manhunt, Grand Theft Auto, Red Faction, Jedi Academy or whatever ... humans always will die in a funny way. Take Red Faction for example, the "guards" may seem tough, but after planting a remote bomb on them they`ll run and act like crazed fags. In most of the shooters the humans will drop dead in the most gay/emo/funniest possible positions ever. I still think that a shotgun + human enemy = art.
It`s only natural to continue with humanoids, big or small, human like creatures i encountered mostly in RPGs and sometimes in RTSs. According to Wikipedia the term "humanoid" refers to any being whose body structure resembles that of a human. In this sense, the term indeed describes primates, as well as mythological creatures and artificial organisms (robots), especially in the context of science fiction and fantasy fiction. An android is a humanoid robot designed to look like a specific gender(mostly gay). When it comes to gaming I have to think about humanoids as trolls, primates, goblins, mutants, ghouls(Fallout power !!!) and shit like that. The thing about humanoids are pure and amazingly simple: they all and yes i mean ALL of them have one thing in common: a great strength and a greater weakness. For example: trolls have great strength therefore doing tons of damage but they run/walk really fucking slow, making them kiteable(shoot and run), motherfucking goblins usually represent one hit kill only because they have low hit points, low strength, mediocre speed but to compensate all this they will try to ZERG the player (waste of pixels if you ask me). In theory there should be tons of text here about humanoids but frankly i don`t see the point.
Since i got my mind filled with info about "nature"`s freaks i`ll carry one with nature itself. Mother nature must really be a whore, because if i try to generalize all the shit it can throw at the occasional gamer in a game or real life i have a real chance of getting hit by a lighting or something, but hey ... here it goes. Animals are one of the most common enemies the whore can trow at a gamer, but ... because we gamers are unnaturally smart we can summon animals to our cause, sometimes. These four(more or less) legged beasts try to be a pain in the ass in most types of games but in my opinion they represent a real threat only in FPSs and RTS, while being attacked by a dog in most first person shooters my target/pointer will try to jump out the screen, so try to be a little more careful when you hear a bark or a growling. On the other hand in a strategy game, a well placed dog can do wonders, on infantry(humans mostly), just think about Command and Conquer : Red Alert / Tiberian sun. During the creation of animals in FPSs and some RTSs mother nature surely used a condom because when i look at other games i can barely believe it, in Warcraft 3 there actually is a race devoted to hugging trees, whom you can also see in other games, mosty RPGs and MMOs. Other farts also known as animals appear in the gaming life, but, again, mostly in RPGs and MMOs. The good part about the farts in RPGs is that game developers managed to add series of quests with nice rewards ... quests that involve killing animals, quest like : bring me 9999999 rat tails for a nice pair of pants or a better weapon which you`ll use to kill other animals and ... eventually save the world. The thing about animals is this, they are either fast, either strong, either unworthy of being noticed.
During the obvious buttfuck with a tree the treehugger race spawned like crazy, they are called Elves. The elves are a race of gimps and (if i include the Dark/Night elves) porn stars. This race is amazing, visually speaking the males are nothing more than fags, nazis and whelps. World of Warcraft and Lineage 2 are the best example, possible if you want to see how an elf male looks like in any kind of armor (heavy/light/robe) in L2, you can see for yourself here. Females however seem to have all the power in this would-be society, they look good in any possible armor and in any possible situation. Enough about how they look for now, in the gaming world elfs excel in dexterity, stealth, intelligence and wisdom, therefore the only good classes for them are : archers, mages and healers/buffers. But even in most of the RTSs i ever played it`s easily noticeable that the elf "army" is made mostly out of females, the males in ones army are either workers/builders, healers/druids or crybabies. But this doesn`t have to mean that males can`t use weapons or cast spells ... it just looks bad if they do. I guess ... that`s what you get if you worship nature`s creations instead of eating them. Sadly nature means life, therefore... thinking about this from the start, don`t be amazed if a tree tries to kill you or some strange treehugging hybrid between plants and skinheads. I guess it`s a safe bet that insects will also try to kill you, but at least the insects are special in the gaming life, they are either giant, strong and fast or small and insignificant but travel in swarms and occasionally try to explode once they`re near you (thinking Half Life and more). But you don`t have to worry about them... the only good place to find them is a HIVE or near a hive. Besides the usually resistant shell you don`t have to worry about anything so feel free to explore a nearby hive and ... if you`re lucky you might find the boss of the hive(Queen usually). After all of my encounters with hives and queens i managed to draw the conclusion : getting to a queen is a lot harder than defeating it.
After all that chitchat about treehuggers and bush-humpers it would only be fair to jump to not-so-emo-life-hating undead bastards. You can find the living dead everywhere ... if you are either a shotgun expert or a bow master you can bet your sweet ammunition that the number of the bastard zombies will be a lot greater than the number of you bullets or arrows. Skeleton, zombie, lich, MMO player, ghost, hippie or vampire ... the name barely matters.. they all have one thing in common: they hate the living and want to see them dead. For example : if you have an undead race character i`m sure you hate the living people because all of them are trying to tell you to get a life or something like this. The main undead foe seems to be the skeletons, they are fast, they can handle just about any class(even my blind neighbor saw skeleton mages/archers), travel in groups ... if they travel at all .... and most important, they are a good source of xp for RPG and MMO players. These boneheads require one or 2 hits to die (unless it`s a mother of a skeleton from Warcarft 3 or the frist boss in Painkiller), again (in theory), and their dying animation is usually fun. Unlike the skeletons the zombies seem to have some flesh on their bones, thus making them heavier and therefore slower but they seem to hit harder, a lot harder and they also seem to be more resistant to damage, not too much damage but at least they can take a hit. Out of all the undead units these bastards are the most interesting. They seem to evolve and it`s a clear fact that they want to take over the world. The signs are everywhere: In the beginning they seemed to be mindless wastes of flesh moving extremely slow. Later, after probably realizing that the only thing destroyable for them are the trees and the occasional window, they started throwing things at me (lifeless objects or even parts of them). Against all odds, after realizing that they are farmable, the sacks of meat began using weapons (axes/swords/branches). It won`t be long until I`ll be seeing them doing human-like stuff, such as adopting little abandoned zombie dogs as pets, writing their own blogs,etc etc. I didn`t want to believe that the gaming world could be threatened by zombies until i saw this, this can sound really hard to believe but it`s for real. Zombies can already be found as main characters in Action/Adventure/RPG/MMOs games and more : movies, comics and anime series. Seesh ... i wonder if the bonehead Grim Fandango is their idle. Also, zombie-like bastards appeared in the gaming world, mummies, the fallout ghouls ... etcetera ... etcetera. I don`t care if a bored necromancer wanted to wake up the dead, if any alien bug has taken control of any emo on it`s way to self destruction, if any virus went loose in some underground secret facility or if hell is full ... i just want them dead... for real !!!
All this evilness makes me thirsty of some real evil, Demons, the best of the best, and only because ... "It`s good to be bad!" When i`m thinking demons i think : destruction, chaos, DEATH TO THE EMOs and all that sweet pain and cruelty. Unlike the undead who would rather curse their enemies, the beloved devils tend to nuke their foes, fact which is usually bad for the player because he`s one getting nuked. Demons are a rare race in the FPS world but they seem to excel in RPGs, MMOs and RTSs (ahhh Dungeon Keeper never gets old). As a foe the only demon enemy not worth too much effort is the Imp, unlike all the other Demons the imp is really weak and a good hit will kill him. But where`s an imp there`s a HellHound or... in the worst case scenario, a dragon who is playing with the imp. No worries here also because if you find yourself fighting with a dragon .. well heh ... welcome to the undead, this unless you have IMBA pro skills and tons of pure luck.
Too much talk about the sugary demons can get me diabetes so it`s only healthy for me to change the subject to a more salty race: The Divine Motherfuckers, and just like a party member from the 7th hell once told me in NWN 2 : His aura makes my skin itchy ! as we encountered a emo with a stick in his hand and a cross on his shield (most of you might know this kind of emos as Paladins). While the demons are masters of offense (super strong attacks, great nukes, and a good aim) the Divine pieces of shit are mostly known for their defensive ways, i think it all started when a dude turned his other cheek after receiving a hit (probably to balance the pain). What i`m trying to say here is : LE FUCK !!! The divine bags of diarrhea are good shield and mace users, using their holy powers to heal and protect themselves and others. The only good damage dealing unit are monks and Angels.
Angels have proven themselves time and time again as the ultimate foe (except bosses). Having good offensive, an even better defensive, they can really pack some damage. The thing i can`t really understand is: why based on defense ? Sure they can use the holy strength and light to do damage, and in some cases tend to come back from the grave after killing them (Lineage2 for example). It`s a well know fact that the best defense is strong offense, the strongest offense a divine shitbag has is in most cases is a wannabe hint filled with riddles, LE FUCK!! .. why give me hints and quests when they could join up, literary speaking, it`s like donating a wooden sword instead of a good one and the player has Bow expertise. The only good fight against an angel-like foe, as i recall, it`s from Devil May Cry 3, my sweet keyboard didn`t have a chance against them, but that never stopped me. The ArchAngels in Heroes have proven themselves to be good enough in a fight ... but, my money is on the Devils. Fallen Angels are also very common these days, fighting like berserks, dying like morons.
Good and Evil ... Black and White ... Ing and Yang ... it`s all about the point of view, so it`s time for a more neutral point of view, an extraterrestrial point of view, in other words: Aliens, big headed ugly fucks with no point of view and a secret agenda as big as hell. But i guess not all aliens are ugly, there are a few cases in which alien chicks look almost good, if you can ignore the tentacles. Aliens seem to have beaten the zombies when it comes to evolution: hi-tech weapons, big round spaceships and a nice advertising line: We come in peace !!! MY ASS !!!. They all seem to come in peace and tend to leave in pieces. These fucks always want to take over or destroy Earth in just about any game, i can`t really blame them, destroying a planet filled with emos is a good thing in my agenda. Their appearance seems to vary from big headed skinny fags to brute-like motherfuckers. I can say that some of the best games in which aliens can be found are: StarCraft, Half-Life, Advent Rising, Destroy all Humans, Alien vs Predator, StarWars, and so on (this list can really be big). In first person shooters the best way to get rid of the alien freaks is to add a few bullets to the head or a grenade at the right time and place. In strategy games aliens even develop bases, they seem to lack luck in RTSs though ... every place, where they build a base, gets nuked, don`t know why, it just seems to happen. However they look or act like they all seem to evolve ... if it`s instinct (ZERG/Alien) or technology (Protos/Predator). In other games they can be found using instincts and technology, like in Advent Risingfor example, but no worries there ... at least one human survived, and he`s only 30% emo, and did i mention he`s a god?
Aliens aren`t the only ones using high-tech weapons and toilets, if it comes to high-tech, the Robots are a real threat. All sizes, all models, all the possible ways to eliminate a player. Though they sounds complicated, as enemies they are remarkable weak and simple. Bots follow a precise pattern and have various weak spots. Most of them are directly guided by emos but the smart ones like to evolve. In Mech Warrior and Mech Commander for example the bots are controlled by brain-dead humans, meaning that they will try to avoid damage and at the same time will try to eliminate the threat. When self aware(AI) bots turn into target practice, usually they stand still and fire, but this happens mostly in RTSs. I can barely call the bots a race, but they sure make a good faction. In most self respecting action/shooters if you destroy a vital part of a bot, it`s only normal for it to accept it`s faith and blow up, in Mech Warrior i used to aim for the "leg", in the strategy games i couldn`t really aim but I still saw some nice explosions.
This should be enough for now, i really need some time to digest some ideas for part2.