Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Call of grenades !!

So there i was, minding my own business, trying to aim for the head, when all of a sudden the grenade indicator appeared, and then, just like a motherfucker, it doubled ... tripled. Just before i realized what happened i found myself blown up into the stratosphere by the vast number of frag explosions.

Moments earlier :
Bored of EVE i decided to try out some action, my nationalism was low so i tried some Call of Duty , what better way to throw away that boredom, other than filling the enemy with led >:) I installed the game, configured it, and VOILA, i entered the realm of Modern Warfare. Unlike other games i know, Call of Duty decided to play some SPORE, and evolution managed to grab it and threw it out into the real world. Now we`re not fighting blue blooded nazies, now we`re fighting emo terrorists, and radioactive dogs, and rabid dogs, and radiation, and helicopters, and best of all, at some point you actually find and capture the emo leader, enjoy a nuke blowing up in your ass and even a few "stealth" moments.
Generally, this game is ok, somewhere above ok even. As i went through the single player i was mostly amazed, i was even enjoying the game, though there were some moments when i wanted to throw the fucking PC out the window. I never managed to figure out why all potential good games have big good bugs and glitches. For starters, i never figured out why the hell do i have to wait for a team mate to open up a door for me, sure sometimes that`s a good thing, but try to picture yourself near the fucking and the fucking objective point is after the fucking door. Not having an "open fucking door" button really sucks, i thought the dev team figured that out by now. One of the most possible reasons for not having the magical "open door" button may be the stick to the storyline idea, but let me say just this, if your team mates have a few path finding problems or need to be triggered by the player to do something, then the player is knee deep in an ocean of shit. In most of the team misions i found myself somewhere deep in the battlefield and my fucking team was near the start zone, probably because i rushed ahead, but let`s be real here, all was great but apparently, i skipped out on the storyline and the mission wouldn`t continue/door would not open unless a specific team member would be there open the door.
The singleplayer missions are the clasic ones : go there kill that/ protect something/ run like hell/run like hell after a nigger and capture him/ go there kill that, but this time using a sniper. Most of them are okay, but when i had to look for the emo leader in each and every house in a sad little village, it all seemed like a big fucking cliche. Of course the emo leader will be in the house surrounded by blades/blood/and guards, of course the other houses are a waste of time, and of course going straight for the house would be the fastest way in, but no, I had to check out each and every mother fucking house before i reached the one that really mattered. One thing kept bugging me though, throught the campaign you keep switching from one character to another, both fighting on the same side however but they have nothing to do one with each other, so why not just ask the player at the beginning the simple yet marvelous questions : On which side do you wanna be? PUNK! Another sad yet annoying part were the dog fights, this is just sad to be honest, out of all the battles all the possibilities, when a dog attacks it seems that the ocean of shittynes is being poured on me, they just had to add it, the worlds most fucked up moment in all action games, the one, the only, the "press X button NOT DO DIE", if you don`t press it, you die, if you press it too late or too soon, you die, le fuck.

Overall, the single player was quite ok, the soundtracks did their job high above ok, and the graphics are strong enough to make the player feel as if he is really participating in the blood bath.
The multiplayer however turned out be more than simple fun, for a few straight days i found myself addicted to it. The mods are pretty much standard, except for the hardcore, but the gameplay itself is simply fantastic. The more you kill the more xp you gather and from time to time you might actually level up, in military ranks, unlocking better and better weapons and some interesting perks, like bullet penetration, damage, grenade blast. The fights are usually fast, the ways to kill are fun and the potential drama is almost divine, the death cam exists ( after you die it shows the possition of your killer) and after a few straight kills (without dying) you can use the recon chopper to show your enemies on the radar, a useful tool indeed, but after even more straight kills you can actually call in an air strike to blow the motherfuckers sky high.
Best of all i loved the multiplayer maps, from cities to hangars and straight on the field, they were simply great, with plenty of potential sniper locations, best suited for various perks and let`s not forget, the potential drama.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Respect the superior race

SPORE, the one, the only, the evolutionary game. The game which can make you smile, make you laugh, and can even tuck you to bed.
A highly anticipated game, Spore started out just fine, great even with a few glitches however, but the game managed to overcome it`s not so nice parts with state of the art possibilities, the illusion of freedom, and a strong hunger for creativity. One of the things i liked most about Spore is that no matter how big or how ugly you are, there will always a creature stronger and another one weaker. Also there are three ways of going through the game : herbivore, carnivore or omnivore. The herbivore part clearly suggests a strong amount of "EMO-l33tness" having to go peaceful on just about every other species or you end up dead. As for the carnivore part, the game just gets easier, you kill everything, you eat their corpses for hit points, and all that stuff until you end up dominating the world. The omnivores tend to be more industrious, and unlike the others, they prefer to buy their opponents.
The game lets you start at the EMO stage, in a small or big pond on a selected planet, you appear. Small enough to eat and ugly enough to be avoided. The first stage of Spore can be compared to a PacMan game, meaning that the only thing you can do is eat shit and/or die.Trying to somewhat represent a "cell`s" life in the real world, but here, the more shit you eat the bigger you get, the bigger you get the more dangerous you are. The way you build your creature isn`t as important as it should be, because you can morph it into a dick, literary, and back at any time you want. Sure the number of legs, teeth, horns and other mutant parts are important, but where and how you place them simply does not matter.
After reaching a certain level, a brain spawns on your creature, somewhere where the head is supposed to be, congratulations, you reached the creature stage. In this stage things tend to be a little more complex, but sadly, they are not. There is only one rule : Only the strongest/richest survive. After the creature stage i climbed on a ladder and reached the conclusion that the fun just ended, and i mean it. Up to the creature stage you create the creature, after that, you dress it up. The tribal stage turns into a RTS, a bad RTS ofcourse, it is short and hardly worth playing. Few moments after and voila, i got to build my own city, fact which sounds good in theory but sucks ball in practice. Designing buildings and pleasuring my Penises, C`OMMON. Here, the goals is simple : kill/buy/convert other cities, in other words, become "the biggest, the best".
Despite the fact that i tried playing it on all possible methods: religious, economic, military; at the last stage it all ends up the same way, an RPG, a BAD rpg to be exact. While the first four stage are short and fun, the last stage involves a series of shitty missions, involving planet coloring, collecting EMO`s from all over the galaxy and blowing up would-be enemies.
It`s hard to believe though, this game promised a lot, but what it really did is quite simple, it put together 5 types of games and the result is clear : BULLSHIT. The fun stages are short and the fucked up ones are long and full of shit.

I guess i should say more about SPORE, more about the "Sporepedia", but when i think that the creator of spore made his money by creating girl-games like The Sims, I rather cut my tongue out. Who knows, maybe Will Wright only wanted to show the world that there`s a little Hitler in all of us.