Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Things i learned from MMOs

- Whatever your goal in life may be, you must always be an adventurer.
- The outskirts of your training grounds have many small animals who will happily act as your punching bag.
- Spells make you thirsty.
- Eating normal food will heal even the worst-looking wound.
- Some people have the job of standing around waiting for someone to bring them things.
- No matter how many people tell him where they are, the farmer will never find his lost children.
- People will award you with large amounts of gold for delivering a letter to their uncle which lives 10 minutes away.
- Anything you kill will disappear soon, only to reappear a few minutes later, alive and having forgotten everything.
- Animals will puke gold when you kill them. Incidentally, that is also how gold is made as there never seems to be any coin-making factory anywhere.
- Your character can survive indefinitely without food, water, sleep or personal hygiene.
- Platemail covers 90% of the male body, but only 20% of the female body. However, in both cases it weighs exactly the same and offers the same protection.
- Chainmail bikinis are among the most powerful and protective pieces of armor.
- If you are a very powerful and ancient creature about to be attacked by a band of adventurers, the most logical course of action is to try and kill the one who pisses you off the most while randomly throwing fire on the others. Incidentally, the one who pisses you off the most is the heavily armored guy wearing a shield.
- Shields and armored warriors piss off powerful creatures more than spells of mass destruction aimed at their faces.
- No matter how wounded you are, you will never feel any pain or experience weakness. Sometimes, you will even experience strength.
- No one ever uses a staff as a walking aid or to hit something with. Instead, staves are used to increase the power of your spells.
- No matter how big you are, you will NEVER try to squish an adventurer who wants to kill you. Instead, you will try to hit him with whatever weapons you have at your disposal.
- Powerful creatures always carry powerful items they do not have any use for.
- Creatures will get tired of chasing you given enough time and will just forget about you, and are incapable of hearing/seeing things that are happening further than 20 yards away.
- A big enough sword can sometimes do more damage than an exploding ball of fire.
- Every general goods vendor in the world sells the exact same things in infinite quantities.
- No matter how shitty and useless something you pick up from the ground is, someone will surely buy it.
- Once you have killed enough monsters or done enough deliveries, you will be surrounded by shiny lights and will grow in power.
- No matter how many times you die, it will never be permanent.
- No matter how many times a creature kills you, you can always come back to try again.
- All dwarves are scottish, like to drink and live in snowy or underground areas.
- There is no such thing as fat people.
- Although all races procrate, there are very few or no half-breeds, unless they are powerful, significant and awesome. Half-dwarves are a concept which does not exist.
- Trolls are jamaican unless they are evil and/or dumb.
- If you are an evil creature, do NOT kill a good, innocent creature unless you want its spirit to come back and offer rewards to adventurers who kill you.
- Powerful adventurers who kill dragons for a living will sometimes collect cute fluffy things.
- The chinese are an evil nation composed entirely of farmers.

2 comments:

dan said...

Prea tare...oare nu te-ai plictisit sa tot o duci asa...............................

Michvolka said...

Lol, this is awesome :) +1